:: Saturday, December 27, 2003 ::

DEAR MEGAN'S PARENTS,
I'M NOT FUCKING SICK AT ALL SO LAY THE FUCK OFF ABOUT THE SICKNESS PHOBIAS FOR GOD'S SAKE

Maybe I'll get to see her tomorrow. I'm open to entertainment suggestions for tonight.

:: Floydthebarber 12/27/2003 01:39:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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whoooooooo despite having a fever and not really being able to see relatives today (and probably Megan tomorrow, and probably not cold weather camping yet I'll get better halfway through the time the campout is going on and I'll go see Megan and Dad might get mad because I did that instead of sat at home but oh well!), christmas has rocked as far as presents. I really, honestly had no idea I would receive this much stuff!

• A 3.2 megapixel Canon digital camera (NICE!)
  
• A Game Boy Advance SP platinum (I really wasn't expecting this at ALL)
  
• A set of BOCCE BALLS!
  
• The Two Towers extended DVD edition
  
• New pair of headphones
  
• Two really nice polo shirts
  
• A J.R.R. Tolkien calendar
  
• A really awesome book of the 'Father Christmas' letters Tolkien wrote to his kids each year for over 20 years. The illustrations are so cool and the whole thing is really heartwarming. Closest thing to a 'sappy' present.
  
• Cowboy Bebop: The Movie
  
• An umbrella
  
• $20 from Grandma
  
• A LINK HAT (<3 Megan)
  
• A ZELDA JACKET <3 Megan)
  
• A rubik's cube (<3 April)
  
• The TV currently in Tommy's room (20" flat screen with s-video inputs. teh w00t!)
  

I love you all.

:: Floydthebarber 12/25/2003 08:22:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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now it's time for an obligatory spur of the moment christmas eve poem!

Twas the night before christmas and all through the blog
Not a webmaster stirring; He's smashed on egg nog
The comments were nestled all snug with their posts
While visions of man this poem really suxx0rs

:: Floydthebarber 12/24/2003 08:02:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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So last night I was tossing and turning with a fever. I tried positioning myself to achieve the perfect balance between the warmth of the blankets and the coolness of the fan. So I was lying with my head on the pillow and I think I had my hand propping my head up and my hand turned into an AIM window. It was Sharp talking to me on AIM and I kept screaming "PLEASE DON'T CLOSE MY AIM WINDOW!" because I didn't want my head to become unpropped and fall off, or something. Yeah it was weird.

:: Floydthebarber 12/24/2003 10:01:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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I wanted to deliver this in it's own post because it's that worthy. I have the sweetest, best girlfriend in the world. Lookie what she made me!





I am king of video games. Hell yes.

:: Floydthebarber 12/23/2003 01:54:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Hey everybody seems to be blogging these days. That's what happens when you're pwning at break and there's a lack of things to do. I feel like I'm not using this break to its 'maximum potential', but I suppose if I was actually doing that I would create too much stress for myself and resent spending all this free time doing productive yet fun things in my free time. Okay nevermind. Let's see.

I spent the first part of break immersed in the intarweb, and had a helluva fun time saturday night with Dorksnet radio. I finally stopped listening around 3:30 when Lak got off of the phone with Ed and I knew the broadcast was about to end soon... but god damn that was some hilarious shit. The next time any of you come over I shall have to play you a few of the songs Beargirl and Whippersnapper made... priceless. I guess I was just too tired the next night, because I went to sleep around 12 instead of playing Dorksnet trivia. That's okay though since most of the questions were kirby, Final Fantasy, and other such games I lack trivia knowledge in. Oh yes, I also received Ultimate Beach Soccer to review for N-Philes, you can check out the review here. It's fun walking the fine line between bashing a game enough so that people recognize it's not that great, yet still have the publisher not become pissed off and continue to send us review copies.

Matt's party was really cool, I'll save elaborating about it in here because people like Dave did a much better job in their blogs. I found the pickle in the tree and won two kissy moose for Megan and I (the things with magnets in their mouths). I also think I bruised the inside of my thigh right where it connects to my right knee, so that hurts a bit whenever I get up from the computer. Oh well I know how to remedy THAT problem.

Today I'm going to go eat dinner at Nathan's hizzouse and then it's back to here for some co-op pwning in double dash I hope. Christmas eve I was going to spend with Megan, but she reminded me she has to go to church. Meh. I'll get to see her the day after christmas and then I go COLD WEATHER CAMPING. Time to bust out the titanium spork and awesomely expensive camping gear I own. Wut up. The Fellowship of the Parents has broken up. Mr Cooke is going down to his beach cottage, Mr Rich is going to his beach cottage, and all of the other families are just doing their own things. This means no awesome hanging out at Eric's house with Ron and Sam :( And those were the good old days. I don't know what I'll do. Any suggestions for an underage kid to do something on new years with his girlfriend? Let me know. I'm leaning towards video games.

Hey sharp is so :cool: that he can just leave IRC randomly whenever he wants, even in the middle of conversations and he still is :cool: I will have his present soon I hope. It really doesn't depend on me if that makes any sense. It'll be the :cool:est thing ever though, I swear. Now how I remember you, how I would push my fingers through your mouth to make those muscles move, and make your voice so smooth.

:: Floydthebarber 12/23/2003 01:53:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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I'm a stupid stupid person. My parents have stupid stupid methods of dealing with punishment. I'm so lucky I get to anticipate tomorrow as my last day of school. As soon as that clock strikes 12:15 I'm free! Free to.... sit at home while everybody goes and sees Return of the King without me. So then no matter who I see it with, it won't be the same as going when they've never seen it before. That's just how it is. I don't even know if I can have sunday to do something. Monday is Matt's party I should be free from that day onward. I can review that game for N-Philes tomorrow night and write the review. Hmmm when was the last time I stayed home by myself on a friday night and played games? Probably around a year and a half ago. Why seeing her on saturday doesn't seem to raise the bleakness of the rest of the weekend from my eyes is slightly confusing to me, as it should. I'm sure it will and I'm just being stupid again.

My French II exam tomorrow will be really easy I hope, and the seminar will be a joke. The bus will probably be late again thus almost destroying the point of trying to get home early. Oh well it's not like I love Lord of the Rings anyways, why would a silly teenager wait over three years for the release of a movie and not go see it with friends.. AHAHAH!!! Je me coupe.

I think I'll set a new list of goals for this weekend. Nice, happy, cheery goals:

• add 50 developers and publishers to the "project" of Andrew's
  
• Update the N-Philes release dates while rocking out to mp3s
  
• Finish playing Ultimate Beach Soccer and write a review
  
• Watch The Two Towers extended edition DVD rip
  
• finish re-reading Return of the King
  
• Wrap the presents of Megan's which I have at the moment
  
• Clean my room before she comes over
  
• Haha, I could PLAY GAMES!!!!!!
  

That's a nice list. I'm glad there's no school on there. I enjoy caffeine. And buttercream candles, dear God. Yeah my good lover is my one good thing these days, you help me keep it all from slipping away. I swear I'm gonna marry you someday...

:: Floydthebarber 12/18/2003 05:44:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! MY RAKU RAKU DINO KUN I NEED ONE SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: Floydthebarber 12/17/2003 07:38:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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I got another free game to review for N-Philes, Ultimate Beach Soccer for Gameboy Advance. Hee Haw! Guess what I'm going to be doing tomorrow and friday and sunday....


I can make this final push for tomorrow! Confidence! Strength! Concentration! Fuck!

:: Floydthebarber 12/17/2003 07:30:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Hey i'm still alive. Same message as before. i get to stay home and play games all friday. somebody infuse me with chemistry and math knowledge really quick. Ti-83+ SE don't fail me now!

:: Floydthebarber 12/16/2003 09:32:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Yeah I'm still alive. Exams and such. Bug off!




Actually no, If I had anything to say it would be expression of my deep and profound love for Megan. But I'd rather keep every ounce of those precious feelings to myself, so I won't digress here.

I'll be back to party hard December 19th after 12:00 PM

:: Floydthebarber 12/10/2003 09:54:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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James' Top 10 Albums Of 2003, 5-1

#5 ~ Penalty Life ~ The Pillows
I wasn’t expecting these guys to pop up in 2003, but then again I don’t really keep up with the latest happenings in the Japanese music industry. After hearing their awesome AWESOME work on the FLCL anime soundtracks, I snatched up this album without questioning it’s quality; a very wise move indeed. From the very first explosive guitar riff to the last harmonic fade out, these guys have taken pop rock to a peak consisting of an irrisistable blend of American and Japanese music and language. This stuff can easily be enjoyed by mainstream USA, I wonder if it’s only a matter of time before I hear The Pillows on my local radio…



4 ~ Poodle Hat ~ Weird Al
I actually skipped over writing this review, and now I feel like I am rushing an not giving it the attention it deserves. It’s fucking hilarious… it’s nothing revolutionary from Al, but it shows that once you become a dude in your 40s your career as an artist certainly doesn’t have to be waning. I’d have to say I love “Party at the leper colony” most, the title caught my attention before I ever even heard it. “A complicated song” was one of those songs I just loved sharing with people and watching them crack up as they listened and thought of how stupid Avril Lavigneneensfasee is. The greatest thing of all though was the MTV special accompanying this album, where he totally rips up Eminem. Bravo.



3 ~ Everything to Everybody ~ Barenaked Ladies
I was sold after stunt. I went back and listened to Rock Spectacle and some of their earlier stuff and only craved more. When Maroon came out in late 2000, I bought it the week it came out without hearing a single song from the album beforehand; I knew that I could trust BNL to put out music of high calibur. Fastforward to early 2003, where I was reading www.bnlblog.com and tracking their studio progress of their new album. They wrapped up in June and there wasn’t an update on their site for about three months, and after that frustrating time I heard the first single from the album, ‘Another Postcard’. It sounded exactally like the Barenaked Ladies, except that was the problem; this song could have easily been from the Stunt sessions and didn’t offer anything new! Sure it was catchy, and I do like the song, but I was afraid if I was just going to get a cookie-cutter album from the amazing minds of the guys in BNL. Luckily October came around and I wasn’t disappointed- Everything to Everybody is one of the most authentic albums of the year. The melodies are genuine, and much more piano-driven than in previous albums- I love it. I hope I get to see these guys on tour soon.



2 ~ Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robot ~ The Flaming Lips
There are several items on these lists that aren’t literally from within the last year, but are things I’ve discovered in the past year and they are simply too great to not mention here. Enter The Flaming Lips. This album came out in July of 2002 so it is still fairly recent. What could make an album so great as to rival the spectacular Hail to the Thief? Vision and growth. These guys have a long history from what I’ve read, and as I begin to dig into their music of the past (the only song I had heard of theirs before was ‘She Don’t Use Jelly’) I’m amazed at how they’ve matured from gigs where their encore was the batman theme to the simple yet profound chords and lyrics in “Do You Realize” off of this album. Everything flows nicely, tied loosely together with the concept of “Yoshimi” battling the “Pink Robot” and puts a light spin on the age old man versus machine concept. Also I can play a few of the songs on this album on guitar \m/



1 ~Hail to the Thief ~ Radiohead
It’s perfect. They are my favorite band that is still together (only Pink Floyd stands above them on my list). I wish I had listened to people earlier when they were telling me about radiohead, and had downloaded a few more songs than just Idioteque and The National Anthem. Dear Asa-the-pothead-who-sat-behind-me-in-french-last-year: I’m sorry for not taking your advice. That being said, this is one of those albums which I will be playing for my kids when I grow up and telling them about how all was not lost when I was a kid, and that we still had some really innovative, talented bands from my generation. Actually these guys have been at it for over a decade, but within the past 6 (and especially 3) they have really taken off and there’s no stopping them. God, what can I say to describe this album? Every single fucking song is so catchy and deep and means so much on so many levels. I’m doing it injustice by attempting to explain it in words… for God’s sake just go buy this piece of history.

:: Floydthebarber 11/30/2003 10:17:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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JAMES' TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2003, 10 THROUGH 6

#10 ~ The Complex ~ The Blue Man Group
I hear the concerts rock. I should go sometime. Not all of the songs on this are stellar, but there are definitely some catchy ones. Hooray for weird tubes. Oh oh! And it’s funny. They’ve grown a lot over all these years. I would recommend this to you if you enjoy pvc and weird noises and blue people. Oh yeah!



#9 ~ Room On Fire ~ The Strokes
TheHumanCow told me to download the new album from these guys, and once again his musical taste doesn’t fail in paralleling my own. I had heard a few songs by The Strokes before, and after listening through this one so much I feel guilty not digging their older stuff sooner. The riffs are straight up and catchy, and the music is very American sounding.



#8 ~ Self-Titled ~ The All-American Rejects
So I bought into a pop band… fuck you. These guys are pretty good. Well I think this album is pretty good for a first release. Their next one will be a true testament to their lasting value and talent. In the mean time, I can look past the vaguely whiny lyrics and appreciate the catchy tunes and energy these dudes have. I saw a video one time of them all getting tattoos together.



#7 ~ The Wolf ~ Andrew W.K.
Those brits have a lot of pent up angst, and Andrew W.K. is their (an my) savior for release. He also happens to be the hilarious pillar of hilarious hilarity among many many nerds online. I didn’t think it could get better than Party Hard, but the song Make Sex is an epic and MOVING piece of musical art. This album will be touching the bleeding hearts of angst-filled teenagers for millennia to come. And besides, this album speaks to me. After all, I LOVE MUSIC and also I am TOTALLY STUPID and REALLY IN LOVE. \m/



#6 ~ True Love Waits ~ Christopher O’ Riley
Okay, so O’ Reiley didn’t actually write the music on this album himself, but his playing is so fucking incredible that it merits it’s own place on the top 10. Basically he covers about 15 Radiohead songs entirely solo and entirely on the piano. I don’t think I’ve heard somebody play piano this expressively in a long time. While most of it is slow, somehow it seems perfectly fitting for background music during Gunbound or whatnot. You don’t even have to be a fan of radiohead, just a fan of classical. A perfect blend of the two.

:: Floydthebarber 11/28/2003 09:47:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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Hey wow I haven't really used this thing in a while. Well since i'm just sitting here waiting for dinner and gunbound, why don't we blog!

A few people have been getting all upitty about what I said regarding some religious stuff... I think people just aren't listening as closely as they need to and then get mad at me and I either come back too strong, or just let it drop and whatnot. Whoever dan is, dan, I didn't say you d00ds don't read the bible, I said that some parts of catholicism seem contradicting to what the bible says, that's all. I wasn't disproving the bible in fact I love it..... okay I'm tired already. Whatever dan and etc.

When was the last time I went to a gathering? About a decade or uh a month. I wasn't invited to Corey's or Jen's (whenever that was I can't remember) and I think there was something going on tonight I wasn't invited to? Ah who cares. SB has a really sore throat and I hope she gets bettar! And Anna should start talking to me again because I am lonely and talking to girls is fun.

I hate school and I'm glad i'm not in it for a while. I hate all the work and I'm looking forward to a fresh start with this final push concerning exams and such.

and my pants are falling down, and such. I'm tired and it's gunbound time, i'll finish this stuff latare!

:: Floydthebarber 11/25/2003 06:00:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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some of this stuff is just too compelling. I have heard quite a few people say they belive something along the lines of as long as they lead a good life and do good deeds, then God will let them into heaven. If you believe in the Bible at ALL, then you would know this is not true:

God's Word, which states that salvation cannot be earned, but is a free and undeserved gift of God:
"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

So you can't just be a "good boy" and get into heaven. You have to have faith. This site is seriously kick-ass, i'm learning a lot. The more you read the Roman Catholic doctorine, the more you realize how absurd it is- they base everything they do off of tradition and not off the Bible...horrible. I'd like to learn more so I could carry an intelligent conversation with somebody. Also I should get some sleep.

:: Floydthebarber 11/15/2003 01:41:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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http://www.chick.com/reading/books/160/160cont.asp this is a good read, about catholicism. it answers some misconceptions i had and affirmed some of my beliefs on how absurd some of their beliefs are, especially regarding the pope. He's such a joke.

:: Floydthebarber 11/15/2003 01:31:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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Real quick, before the new episode of MXC comes on. Ryan sent me this hilarious fake link regarding our schools re-opening for tomorrow, and I figured I'd share it with some people. Hilarity ensues:

mr mOo237 (10:48:07 PM): www.wcpss.net/reopeningvetday.htm
mr mOo237 (10:48:14 PM): i love you
Anjiru18 signed off at 10:49:23 PM.
Anjiru18 signed on at 10:50:37 PM.
Anjiru18 (10:50:50 PM): hold on, what the hell? *twitches*
mr mOo237 (10:50:57 PM): :-mr mOo237 (10:51:03 PM): NOVEMBER FOOLS!
mr mOo237 (10:51:04 PM): haha
mr mOo237 (10:51:06 PM): go to sleep
mr mOo237 (10:51:08 PM): tee hee
mr mOo237 (10:51:09 PM): i love you
Anjiru18 (10:51:12 PM): *whaps you upside the head*
Anjiru18 (10:51:13 PM): grr!
mr mOo237 (10:51:15 PM): haha

n00bs pwned: 1

mr mOo237: www.wcpss.net/reopeningvetday.htm
Daer21: WHAT!!!

mr mOo237: :-Daer21: ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
mr mOo237: sorry dude
mr mOo237: i gotta get started on my HW now
Daer21: WHAT THE FLAMING FUCK ARE THESE BASTARDS DOING TO US?
mr mOo237: fucking us out of our free days
Daer21: WAIT A MINUTE?
Daer21: ARE YOUR KIDDING ME RIGHT?
mr mOo237: no
Daer21: its not on the website...
Daer21: whered you get it from?
mr mOo237: NOVEMBER FOOLS!
mr mOo237: shhhhh dont' tell the others
mr mOo237: they are stuuuupid
mr mOo237: hehe
mr mOo237: had ya there for a minute
mr mOo237: check out the site link at the top...
Daer21: YOU MOTER FUCKING SON OF A BITICH!
mr mOo237: hahahahahahahahahahaha
mr mOo237: you sir, were PWNED
Daer21: YOU BASTARD MY MOTHER JUST CALLED THE SCHOOL YOU ASS HOLE!

mr mOo237: haha
mr mOo237: haha sweet
mr mOo237: PWNED
Daer21: IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU
AND SO IS JILLIAN!!!
mr mOo237: gahahahahah
mr mOo237: why jill?
Daer21: BECAUSE I CALLED AND TOLD HER YOU MORON!
mr mOo237: hahahaha
mr mOo237: poor matt
mr mOo237: best trick EVAR
mr mOo237: you know this HAS to go in my blog
mr mOo237: hey if it makes you feel better, katie fell for it for a few minutes too
Daer21: *EXPLITIVES*

n00bs pwned: 2 (4 if you count matt's mom and jillian whom he called)

teacupphilosophy: please tell me you are
mr mOo237: :-teacupphilosophy: you aren't?
mr mOo237: I gotta get started on my HW now
teacupphilosophy: you can't be serious...
mr mOo237: tell megan at school tomorrow that i'm really sorry we couldn't see each other tomorrow
teacupphilosophy: *bangs head on a desk*
teacupphilosophy: you're kidding...i know you are
mr mOo237: how so?
teacupphilosophy: the address...it's not right...
mr mOo237: NOVEMBER FOOLS!
teacupphilosophy: thought so
teacupphilosophy: *pokes james* not funny
teacupphilosophy: AT ALL
mr mOo237: hahahahaha
mr mOo237: you're just upset because you were PWNED
mr mOo237: you figured out the link was a fake though.....
mr mOo237: so it's all good
mr mOo237: hehe
teacupphilosophy: yeah...when i first pulled it up...i thought it was kinda messed up...
teacupphilosophy: but when you said the megan thing...hta threw me off
teacupphilosophy: *pokes* shame
mr mOo237: haha
mr mOo237: i got like three people
mr mOo237: you all are blog-fodder now!
mr mOo237: :-P
teacupphilosophy: shtu up

n00bs pwned: 5

vampiricpoetry: WHAT!
mr mOo237: :-vampiricpoetry: TELL ME THIS IS A PRANK
mr mOo237: i gotta get started on my HW now

n00bs pwned: 6

well there you have it. And I still love each and every one of you still. But ya gotta admit I gotcha good.

:: Floydthebarber 11/10/2003 11:00:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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I got bored in Paideia

Silver chain and glassy blue
Why must the face be so true
Why can't i favor my free will
And bring itself to quarter till
I'll crunch my mind and clench my fist
A guage for sentencing on my wrist
For how much longer will I stare?
These droning words I cannot bear

What if she turned into a bear?
With sharpie claws and rough brown hair
Her voice would cause her prety to run
Isolation from everyone

How cruel am I to say all these!
I owe my dearest apologies!
I shall go back to twirling steel
With every tick I twitch and feel
This boring itch of wasted time
Of paper wasted to make a rhyme
This ode to twenty minutes past
These last few pray that I shall last

Hey I'm gonna start writing up my top 10/top5 lists of 2003. Watch out.

:: Floydthebarber 11/03/2003 06:15:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Yeah so here I am, procrastinating a little bit of math homework but when that is put in scope to how much I normally procrastinate, I'm doing quite well right now. My costume for halloween is complete, and it came out so so so so so good! You shall all see tomorrow. Hey I don't really have anything to say here. I've done all my work and today has worked out rather nicely. Hee haw!

Oh, and sharp rocks for updating his LJ so I don't think he's dead and such.

:: Floydthebarber 10/30/2003 08:43:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Ahh, back to the old grind. Nobody ever comments in my blog; I guess none of you read it anymore. I guess I should do some terrible test like mention how incredibly depressed I am, and that I'm thinking of slashing myself all up, and the only thing I can think about is breaking up with Megan and quitting n-philes and crying in my room. You know, just to test everybody out there. Except 1) I just told you about this plan so if I did execute it, it wouldn't be taken seriously and 2) It'd do more harm than good.

I carved a pumpkin at Megan's house. I drew Bilbo's dagger Sting and traced it and it looks all spiffy. Megan's adding elvish letters carved along the top- very nice indeed. I camped, I was lazy, then I went to Megan's. And I forgot to get that mario bros display. God dammit. Ah well I had a much better time at her house. Man I'm diggin this fall back shit. I have chemistry and math to do, but I did read the first book in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Fun stuff. Whoops I just got back to typing this after ignoring it for about 10 minutes. Let's see.

Nobody gives a fuck here about my little life. I'm going to start spouting out my worthless opinions on my top 10 whats and nots of 2003. Yes. Mario kart lan party november 22nd holy fuck. yay.

:: Floydthebarber 10/26/2003 10:17:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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It's 10:50 and I'm patiently waiting for my printer to finish up with some of these images for a project that is due tomorrow. Never fear though, because the PSATs have cometh to my rescue to provide ample time for finishing this project. I felt lazy today anyways. Even as I type this, I feel incredibly lazy an uncompelled to inform anybody of anything that has happened recently. Hmmm let's see.

Ahh yes, the epic struggle between my life and that of my dad. He really wants me to go on the campout this weekend, and I really don't want to go. It's not that I don't enjoy camping, but after I've done as many things as I've done, travelling hours away into the mountains for the weekend to somewhere that I already spent an entire week of summer already seems sort of redundant. If I have a choice between seeing friends (I haven't seen ANYBODY that I've made friends with through megan in well over a month, tis very sad!) that I haven't seen in weeks, or going camping somewhere that I've already been to this year and don't feel compelled to go, the choice is pretty clear to me. I guess dad wouldn't get on my case if I had a job, or even if I was actively pursuing one. He probably also wouldn't bother me if I was doing work on my Eagle Project. Ah well. I am going this weekend, I will be gone all friday and saturday and I'll get back around 1 on Sunday. You guessed it; then I'm off to Megan's as soon as humanly possible because thoughts of being without her when it doesn't have to be so are unbearable. Hey, when it comes down to it in life, If I only had Megan, then things would be okay. I'll see everybody next weekend, I hopefully promise. One night will be friends over for gaming, and the other for some sort of gathering. Yes, I'm ordering one of you to plan a gathering over a week and a half in advance! Blarg.

The new Barenaked Ladies album is released in less than an hour, and after listening to it all last night and today I am once again hooked on the BNL. "Maybe Katie" "Shopping" and "War on Drugs" would have to be my faves at the moment. Go take a listen at them, why don't you? Hey Christina isn't mad at me anymore which is nice, except now I somehow managed to make Megan feel horrible about herself as if she's completely wrong and at fault for not liking Christina. I guess I did make it sound that way a little, but not wholly or anything. I can never say things exactally right for people anymore, even if I try very hard. I hope Christina has something to say to Megan, and maybe, just maybe, they'll have some mutual understanding instead of just some blind dislike toward each other. Actually Christina doesn't even dislike Megan that much but... Yeah see this is the type of stuff that goes through a mindless teenager's head. I guess I just had some weird dream where they both kissed and made up (hot lol jk) and I wouldn't feel awkward mentioning one to the other. I think I ask too much of people. Well I'm not asking either of them to change their opinions, just make those opinions known to the other side, I feel like neither of them knows how the other feels, and they should! So uh yeah whatever happens happens, no big deal. James is still here for both of them... Or they're here for me I should like to rather think.

How's that for rambling? Yeah I could go on and on about kids being hit by cars and everything else in the world, but sometimes a bellowing swab of a Q-Tip awaits me. G'night!

:: Floydthebarber 10/20/2003 10:52:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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So uh yeah, I'll sum up the weekend. Bear with me. Friday night let me remember... haha god damn. I can't remember what I did friday. This could be a bad sign. Well whatever, friday happened. Megan went to a party so I was at home doing something. Saturday I played two soccer games, one at 2:30 and one at 5:30. We lost the first one 9-0? Something like that. After that game we went over to my Aunt's house and gave the twins their presents for their 4th birthday. Hooray for barbies and horsies for the barbies to ride on and dress up fuzzy pink stuff. So I went back to the soccer gig, and lost 5-2. Went home, h4x0red teh gibson and went to bed after spending way too much time online. Oh and today was great; I got to sleep in till 6:55 so I could be at a soccer game at 8:30 am! And we lost 2-0 and we should have won because the other team sucked! So then I went home and revved up the hot tub, only to exit an hour later when my Pink Floyd - Meddle album was done. Chemistry, then more soccer! We lost again! 7-1! gahahaha four losses in four games in two days! Hooray.

Oh except the game ran over and I got home at 6:05 instead of 5:30. And dad bothered me about getting a job, working on my eagle project, and then asked if i could show up at megan's late and I basically told him that since he was driving he could do whatever he wanted, but my opinion rested that I needed as much time as possible with megan, and that made him angry. Oh and when I called the reforee who made me cut off my fucking bracelet an asshole, dad got pretty upset cuz other parents were around. Seriously, I played the WHOLE FUCKING SEASON with it on, and one fucking ass old sideline whore of a ref told me to get off the field with it. And the head ref he had refforeed at least three other games of mine, including one EARLIER THAT FUCKING DAY! Those bitches. So now I don't have my bracelet megan gave me on. I didn't let myself get sad, in fact I got pissed and had a pretty aggressive attitude the rest of the game. So what was the aftermath of all of this?

I have a huge fucking bruise on my left shin, and a bruise on my left knee, and my feet are peeling off, and my groin muscles are inoperative, and everything feels tired as hell.

Then I took a shower and went to Megan's. And you know what? This has been an absolutely perfect weekend because of it. I needed that good cry. I need a lot from her; sometimes I feel guilty asking so much. Is it really that much? I don't know. I love her so much...

:: Floydthebarber 10/12/2003 09:41:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

One final Hoorah, Ladies and Gentlemen! I don't post for other people's benefit necesserily anyways, so I'm going to get all this fucking shit about Christina off of my chest, once and for all. I feel comfortable sharing our final conversation with the rest of the world. Feedback is most appreciated. This is over the span of three or so days.

> > > --- Steena wrote:
> > > > (you and megan) Need to go f*ck yourselfs, shes gay, your gay, your both stupid..
> > > > "little things pile up." that is sure familiar


Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 22:25:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: "James Freeman" | This is spam | Add to Address Book
Subject: Re: You and Megan...
To: "Steena"

hmmm? Is this really christina talking? I'm not quite sure what your "little things pile
up" reference is to, could you please elaborate? I'm always here to talk, and I don't
like leaving things on a bad note; I left the ball in your court to try and just say
something to me and i'll be responsive.

The last time you said anything like this to me, I let it get to me too much, agonizing
over your words of how you hated me and such. It only turned out that you were joking
around and it was the worst thing ever all I wanted was an apology. I'll assume you're
just typing this with no meaning behind it because 1) if you meant it, you'd say it to my
face 2) you'd supply some sort of explanation. I'd much rather be stupid with her than
anything else, but if you want to talk with me and reverse these little insults you've
resulted to then that's cool. I'll stop whatever it was before. Call me on the phone or
better than that. Don't just label me gay or i'll retreat even more. *sigh*


> --- Steena wrote:
> > Shut-up.


> -----Original Message-----
> From: James Freeman [mailto:floydthebarber18@yahoo.com]
> Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2003 7:51 PM
> To: Steena
> Subject: RE: You and Megan...
>
> you confronted me with insults, so I'm assuming you want to talk with
> me. Or at least you
> were thinking of me, which is good I guess. What's going on with
> christina these days?
> I'm in the dark...
>
> I don't love you anymore. but I do care about you.


teena wrote:
> What in hell makes you think I love you, or even like you???!!!!
> That's what your problem was before; you couldn't stop accusing me of
> being in love with you or something. I'm not.


Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 17:09:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: "James Freeman" | This is spam | Add to Address Book
Subject: RE: You and Megan...
To: "Steena"


uh nothing, but you sent me an email... so I guess you had something to say to me @_@

-------------- I sent a second emale that day -------------

Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 18:11:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: "James Freeman" | This is spam | Add to Address Book
Subject: I'm Clearing Cobwebs
To: "Steena"


I never said I thought you loved me. Fucking christ, I stopped thinking about any love at
all between us anywhere well over a fucking year ago. I am assuming you're thinking of
me, which in turn makes me assume you don't absolutely hate me. And if you do, I deserve
to know why. I'm really sorry you don't want to be friends with me anymore; If you'd just
give me a fucking explanation about what you REALLY are feeling, this can all be put away
forever like you want. Is it a crime to still care about you even if you hate my fucking
guts? I stand by the fact that I never did anything major to hurt you, and that most of
it was constructed in your own mind.


--- Steena wrote:
> You're clearing cobwebs, and I have nothing to clear. I regret even
> notifying you about your sappy life, I wasn't jealous at all, just
> angry.
> Feelings can't be explained, or even put into words. So maybe you
> should just stop reading into to every freaking thing that someone says.
> You were doing it to Anna too, and that's what was making her upset.
> You never help.
> You continue to twist things up, and un-ravel what need not be brought
> up.
> Stop Analyzing Everything, and maybe if you react with your heart and
> soul, instead of what your brain tells you, you could actually
> comprehend the feelings that are associated with life. But, since it is
> such a terrible habit of yours, telling it to you, probably wont make a
> difference at all.
> Just forget it, and leave everyone else's life and the things they say:
> Alone.


And finally, James bows out
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 17:52:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: "James Freeman" | This is spam | Add to Address Book
Subject: This is all I have left... Drained Me.
To: "Steena"


How can I have such a "sappy life" If I didn't react with feelings? They just aren't
unrestrained, crazy feelings like you always have. I guess you're right; I have no place
in your life or Annas or Jen's or anybody else like that who is wrapped up in personal
shit. I don't help or whatever like I used to; All I seem to be useful for nowadays is
clinging to Megan. I only learned to comprehend the feelings I have once I met her.
You're speaking from your point of view; I would hate to think that everybody wants me to
leave them alone like you do.

This all started when you told me you were moving and I got upset. I had every right to
be upset I wasn't frowning on what you're doing. I was listening to my heart and that's
why I got upset you were going. And you're gone. Maybe you're just trying to push
everybody away before you have to move so that they won't effect you so much when you
leave them. Thanks a lot. It's not that I can't associate the feelings that go along with
life; It's simply that in the past months I am unable to understand YOUR feelings on
life. My advice and learning about other people's life's and feelings has been sound as
it always has. People do not always like to hear the truth and I am not one to dress shit
up that explains why people like Anna get flustered with me sometimes- hell it upsets
Megan a lot too. But that's life.

I'm not going to play this little game where I listen to you and push myself into a
corner- if anything it's YOU who is pushing yourself away from everybody, both physically
by moving and emotionally. I just wanted to laugh with you a few more times, and enjoy
what you have to say and be able to tell you all the things that were on my mind, and get
something out of it. I can't quite pinpoint when it became wrong for me to come to you
with what's going on in my life and you stopped helping me out, and I stopped trying my
best to help you out. I haven't changed since those times. You have. I haven't been doing
anything different in the past, say, three months. Please don't accuse me of being a
heartless bastard towards everybody. I hated taking your picture out of the frame on my
dresser in the corner and replacing it with another of my new group of friends.

You just don't want to explain what you're feeling to me because you know yourself that
it doesn't make any sense. You've now become the little girl who clamps their hands over
their ears and yells LALALALALLALA when things are presented to them. Don't ever take
shots at me regarding other friends like Anna I'm doing my fucking best I am not a big
people person. People don't listen. Why have you gotten so cold hearted? I miss your
eyes. I guess I'll always miss your eyes. Have fun in new york, and if you see any bums
playing flute on the street, maybe you'll think of me (for better or for worse). I've got
all I need here in NC, I was hoping to end things on a good note with you, there's no
reason not to. Fine, I give up. There have been worse tragedies than somebody not caring
about me. It just hurts when I was there so much, that's all. Sweet dreams...


Feedback please.

:: Floydthebarber 10/10/2003 08:51:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I'm not going to be able to do anything tonight, or tomorrow night, but sunday night is for Megan. The weekend after that I am gone at a fishing tournament, and that sunda night is for Megan. Two weekends from now is a campout which i'd really rather not go on, but If I do, I will be busy Friday and Saturday and that Sunday night is for Megan. The weekend after THAT is fucking halloween! And such!

:: Floydthebarber 10/10/2003 06:31:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I got my first game to review for N-Philes- Lego Bionicle from THQ. I shall try to write up most of the review this weekend, perhaps have it ready by monday or tuesday. Yay!

What was I going to say regarding Megan. I think it's along the lines of I love her and I am being a bit dramatic in this blog. Adios!

:: Floydthebarber 10/07/2003 07:46:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I just dropped in to let you all know what condition my condition was in. I am not giving up. That's what love is about. How can it have such negative effects, I have no idea whether to blame myself or not for that. I am a pretty good screw up though. How much more careful do I have to be with words? I'm already on tip toes in a labyrinth of trip cables.

rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr let's see whoops telephone

:: Floydthebarber 10/07/2003 05:11:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Oops I'm busy.

:: Floydthebarber 10/07/2003 04:33:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

HOVERCRAFT! may the pictures speak for themselves:















yayayayayayayayayay too lazy to talk. We rock.

:: Floydthebarber 10/04/2003 04:16:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

sexcellent sirs, thank you for arriving to the tent on time. You could hardly tell it was a tent if not for the stripes, no? That and the echoes; you will have to excuse the horrible reverb in here as I profess what I have been thinking. Billy, sit up! Doctors, please sit Billy up! It appears his left leg has ripped- can we get some tape in here? Yes, yes.... *covers podium mic* just a little....yes fold it on the edge like that to keep him propped...yes yes quite good. *ahem* I'm terribly sorry gentlemen, this sort of thing happens often when delivering such a speech to patients such as those I deal with regularly. So then, where was I? Had I crumbled yet? No? If I keep pressing I will reach the blood-drenched center, you say? How dreadful! Allow me to gather these strewn thoughts for a moment. None of you are even listening? It is times like these where I wish to cut meals to half-sized morsels to you all! How drealfully atrocious this speech has turned! Billy! That leg! Unfold it this instant, aircraft are strickly forbidden! Yes yes darling, I hear your calm voice trying to sooth me, but now is the time to unravel and join the audience... Remember that speck of dust on your fingernail this morning? Poof.

:: Floydthebarber 10/02/2003 07:37:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I'm sending files over AIM, so I figured I'd procrastinate my chemistry studying by doing this survey that sharp took. hee haw!

001) What time are you starting this?: 4:21
003) Date of birth?: July 23rd, 1987
004) Sex?: boy who likes girls who like girls and boys
005) Height?: 5'10" or something
006) Eye color?: Hazel Green
008) Location?: Cary, North Carolina, USAAA max 300
009) Where were you born?: here
010) Have you ever failed a grade?: nope
011) If you have, what grade did you fail?: QUESTION VOID
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: I sure do
014) If so, what is their name: Megan
015) How long have you been together?: 7 months, 2 weeks, 2 days, and 23 hours ish
016) What are you wearing right now?: Red plaid pajama pants, a 4 year old tee shir
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: I like Sharp's answer. I'd normally say no, but If we were enganged and planned on getting married within the month, I might consider it. It's purely circumstancial. Dun wanna ruin a special thing.
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: I crushed one of my teachers.
019) Do you smoke? No
020) Do you drink?: No
021) Are you ghetto?: By the way I walk and the way I..nevermind
023) Are you a player?: yeah I can AA Max 300 on Standard
024) What are your favorite colors?: Green and uh more green
025) What is your favorite animal?: Penguin
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: A little brown spot on my right foot. I think it's my right (like i'm gonna check)
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: No
029) Have you ever beat someone up?: Grammar Police!
030) Annoyances? Conformists
031) Have you ever been slapped?: Plenty of times. I often deserve it.
032) Do you get online a lot?: More than I should
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: Outgoing, but only to people deserving of it.
034) Do you shower?: I sleep in the shower \m/
035) Do you hate school?: In most ways yes, but I enjoy learning and mocking people to boost my self esteem in a shallow sort of way
036) Do you have a social life?: Like a double sided coin. Whenever it lands on the edge things get weird.
037) How easily do you trust people?: It takes some time.
038) Have you ever lied to your bestfriends?: Of course
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: My brain IBM
040) Would you ever sky dive?: Yes
041) Do you like to dance?: GaGHASDLFKH*chokes* no. no no no no no. Horribly insecure, James is.
068) Have you ever been out of state?: Not enough
069) Do you like to travel?: Yes
070) Have you ever been expelled from school?: Yeah!
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: Yeah!
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Not unless I take some folks with me. Especially her.
073) Are you a brat?: What the fuck.
074) Have you ever been dumped?: If you want to call it that, then yes.
075) Have you ever gotten high?: ~~~~~~~~~~shoa i'm fukcin
076) What's your favorite drink?: Mountain Dew.
077) Do you like Snapple?: Only when i'm tempted at Jersey Mikes
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Not really
079) What toothpaste do you use?: Icky ones since I know they work best
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: Like I want to talk with people that much
081) Do you have a curfew?: Not really, my parents rock. No seriously I could stay out till 2 am if they knew who I was with.
082) Who do you look up to?: somebody nobody's hear of, let's see.... Chookriakis Malatowahoney
083) Are you a role model?: Not really
084) Have you ever been to Six Flags?: No. Cedar Point road trip in 2004 WHAT UP
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: I don't know
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: A watch, and this bracelet Megan braided for me
087) What do you have pierced?: Nothing
088) What do you want pierced?: Nothing
089) Do you like taking pictures?: Yep. I'm in Photography club.
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: Not normally, unless the purpose of the picture is self-humiliation
091) Do you have a tan?: No
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: Don't piss me off, Art.
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: OMG A RUMOR WHERE
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: Like I want to talk with people that much.
095) Do you have your own pool?: Never
096) Do you have any siblings?: Two brothers, 14 and 11
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: Boxers or nothing.
098) Have you ever been played?: Yes.
099) Have you ever played anyone?: No.
100) Do you get along with your parents?: Yes.
102) How do you vent your anger?: kick someone from #n-philes <-- I like sharp's answer.
103) Have you ever run away?: Yes bikes are slow
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: I wish I had time for a job.
105) Do you even have a job?: no
106) Do you daydream a lot?: of her
107) Do you think pregnant chicks should smoke? Only if they are under 18
108) Do you run your mouth?: No
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: stop it with the tatoos
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: stop it with the tatoos
111) What are your favorite flowers?: weird colored roses
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: a what
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: They look like twin millionaires who starred on some family show named Full House
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: I can't remember.
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: This is getting annoying
116) Are you rude?: Read up.
117) What was the last compliment you received?: "I like your black people shoes, James"
118) Do you like getting dirty?: No
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie, outies are for freaks.
121) What is your heritage?: English? Farmers don't keep track of heritage well.
122) What is your lucky number?: 18 or something.
123) What does your hair look like right now?: A giant poofy dirty blonde mushroom.
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I don't think so.
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: Find the blog archives from about july of 2002.
126) Describe your looks?: Nintendo shirt, mismatched pants, chuck taylors, fucked hair.
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: Yes oh wait
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: I suppose, but it would be quite awkward
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: never
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: Nevar
133) Have you ever given?: *no comment*
134) Have you ever received?: *no comment* Silence does NOT mean yes, I just prefer to maintain privacy.
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: No
136) Do you have one now?: No
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: As many as possible
138) Have you ever been skinnydipping?: When I was all by myself on the AT. Tee Hee.
139) If yes, when was the last time?: 2 years ago.
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: My mom
141) Do you cry a lot?: Not as much as I used to
142) Do you ever cry to get your way?: No
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: Right leg
144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: "hello"
145) Are you the romantic type?: I try to be. Seems to be working.
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: RUN FROM TEH PO PO
147) What do you like most about your body?: My eyes
148) What do you like least about your body?: My teeth
150) When was the last time you threw up?: This past summer after doing the swim test at 7 am and I hadn't swam in over a year.
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Blondes
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: Black with white peace signs
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: no.
154) What about cleavage?: Of course
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: Haha, I'm imagining the hilarity if he isn't.
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: YES
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: YES
158) What color are your underwear right now?: Blue da ba dee
159) What theme does your room have?: Tons of video game posters. Literally no wall space left.
160) What size shoe do you wear?: 9.5-10
167) What do you sleep in?: little to nothing, I lock my door.
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: yes
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: I am not considerate enough
170) What is one of your good qualities?: I'm very analytical
171) Would you marry for money?: No
172) What do you drive?: Mom's Ford Escape or my 1992 minivan. \m/
173) Have you ever given or received roadhead?: Haha, no. And I got all excited about this question "OH MAN A RADIOHEAD QUESTION!" :(
174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: momma
175) What does your lj username mean?: It means I grew up in a certain state and have a certain love for weird names and barber shops.
176) What's your favorite lj to read?: Sharp's or Megan's
177) When was the last time you cried in school?: Never.
178) Do you wear Chucks?: All the time.
179) What time are you finished? 4:58 fuck you

:: Floydthebarber 10/01/2003 04:15:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I wore my dad's 1985 Air Jordan's to school. check this out! Those ones are going for 130 bucks, and mine are in the rarer carolina blue. I think I'll just keep them to retire off of.

:: Floydthebarber 9/30/2003 04:49:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

People are telling me she's doubting having sweet dreams, which isn't how it was read to me in my mind but sounds plausible enough. I guess I need a good scare now and then.

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 10:15:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I only post quickly when something crazy happens. I keep telling myself that this can be interpreted many ways, and the panicky response it has derrived from me right now isn't based off anything and the whole thought will be cleared up by tomorrow. But anyways I was just chatting with Megan on AIM about things, and she's kinda down on herself so i'm tyring my best to cheer her up. Then this happens:

Anjiru18: i'm sensitive about everything.
mr mOo237: I'm here to help you if you want it
Anjiru18: i know. but normally it's a good thing i guess.
Anjiru18: i gotta go
Anjiru18: bai bai
mr mOo237: bye
mr mOo237: i love you
mr mOo237: sweet dreams
Anjiru18: i love you too
Anjiru18: somehow i doubt it.
Anjiru18 signed off at 9:56:20 PM.

What is that supposed to mean? I hate object pronouns, what is "it" referring to? Does she doubt the fact that I love her, or does she doubt the fact that she loves me? She said it after what she said, so I'd assume it means sometimes she doubts that she loves me. This is news, for the past few YEARS all she has done has loved me, I have been the one who was unresponsive and dropped the ball. So if she doubts her love for me sometimes, is it my fault or hers? I'm guessing she's blaming it on herself, since our whole convo was how she feels depressed about herself due to what other people say sometimes. Dear God, I hope it's not my fault she sometimes doubts her love for me, because I have honestly and truly been faithful ever since February 14th, and have tried my damn best to show her just how much I really do care about her. That does include being truthful, and sometimes the truth isn't what we want to hear... but I deliver my opinion to her and I hope she isn't faulting me for that. On the flipside, sometimes I tend to shoot down her opinion, but she doesn't need to react so strongly towards it... I still love her just as much despite what I may say about one particular subject.

I'm very worried about this thing she said. I've never ever ever heard her say she's doubted her love for me, and I can't decide whether it's my fault she feels that way or hers. I never, ever pictured gaps in our relationship due to her feelings from me, I've always been paranoid that I would not keep myself in check and become some retarded lust-filled boy leaving her for another, which is something I know I would regret sincerely and has made me try all the harder to make this relationship, one that is working out what seems to be perfectly, continue to work. She doesn't need to doubt the love between us due to what she sees as faults within herself...

Everybody that reads this and knows her, stop for a second and think for me. When was the last time you said something seriously complimenting to her, or listened to her opinion seriously and didn't shoot it down? Little things pile up, and I don't want to see anybody making life rough on Megan, intenionally or unintentionally. If you're not willing to make that effort to be kind to her like you should be anyways, there is no reason to continue being friends with her. I hate seeing her upset like this. If it's your fault, then I hate you.

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 09:58:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Hey whoops, I still have a blog! I saw Megan three out of three nights this past weekend, which was spectacular. Very theraputic. Gathering was at Jen's, where DDR and various N64 games were given a workout. Anna wasn't there and is still sick, as she wasn't at school today. Get better Anna please! Lunch today was rather mundane without her. Ah well that's okay. I was pretty paranoid about the black dudes in line who seemed as if they wanted to steal stuff from my backpack, but I emerged from the lunch line unscathed.

Fall is upon us! I had to wear my awesome soft pseudo-fleece thing to school \m/. The Talking Heads and the Blue Man Group have been rediscovered. But everything I have typed up to this point is pointless. One fateful saturday night, on into the wee hours of sunday morning, a certain cow, sink, and barber were discussing the cow's plans. Plans to build something so awesome that the barber and sink decided this idea must be undertook by themselves as well. What is this epic, daunting task you might ask? To build one of these:



YES! HOVERCRAFT-O-RAMA! This thing will be totally badass, and we're gonna ride it everywhere and act like morons and it'll be a blast. I'm oh so tempted to ask Megan's dad if I can borrow his gas powered blower(180 mph) in lieu of my corded one (200mph), although at my house due to our extreme christmas decorations situation cord length is not an issue. Hee Haw. So yes, I'm planning on having Nathan, Nate, Ryan, Ryan, Phil, and whoever else over saturday to build this thing. W00T!

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 03:31:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

You likey the Jack Jack?

:: Floydthebarber 9/22/2003 09:31:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

When in doubt, always consult your best friend. Thanks, April. I'll always love ya!

mr mOo237 (7:49:04 PM): hi april
softballanjul44 (7:49:07 PM): hey
mr mOo237 (7:49:14 PM): today has been interesting
mr mOo237 (7:49:19 PM): i pissed a lot of people off with my opinion
mr mOo237 (7:49:26 PM): but hey what else is new
mr mOo237 (7:49:43 PM): by a lot, I mean jen and anna
softballanjul44 (7:53:55 PM): oh
softballanjul44 (7:53:59 PM): what was your opinion?
mr mOo237 (7:54:06 PM): weeeeeeeeelll
mr mOo237 (7:54:10 PM): let's see if i can summarize
mr mOo237 (7:54:27 PM): it started when anna and jen have just been saying lots of sad depressing angsty etc stuff in their blogs
mr mOo237 (7:54:34 PM): and they say stuff that is really wishy-washy
mr mOo237 (7:54:50 PM): like "OMG SOMETHING SO BIG IS GOING ON BUT I CANT TELL YOU BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT I CANT TELL YOU BLAH BLAH"
mr mOo237 (7:55:07 PM): and I told them how frustrating it is to be somebody on the outside and be told stupid shit like that
softballanjul44 (7:55:23 PM): yeah
softballanjul44 (7:55:24 PM): i agree
mr mOo237 (7:55:25 PM): blah diddy blah since they're the ones IN the situtation they took what I said out of proportion
mr mOo237 (7:55:29 PM): you can read my blog etc
softballanjul44 (7:55:43 PM): i already did
mr mOo237 (7:56:41 PM): so what did I do wrong?
mr mOo237 (7:56:49 PM): i need another person's opinion on what I said
softballanjul44 (7:56:58 PM): well they probably are only mad cuz they're the ones IN the situation.. like you said
mr mOo237 (7:56:58 PM): other than from the people I directed my comments to
softballanjul44 (7:57:12 PM): cuz i bet they'd feel the same way if you said something like that
mr mOo237 (7:57:43 PM): yeah
mr mOo237 (7:59:08 PM): so what did I do wrong
mr mOo237 (7:59:11 PM): what should I say to them
mr mOo237 (7:59:20 PM): I dunno....it's a big mess
softballanjul44 (7:59:33 PM): "sorry for coming off so harsh but its just kind of hard to read that and not think that"
softballanjul44 (7:59:37 PM): id say something like that
mr mOo237 (8:00:11 PM): I did take a cheap shot at anna that I don't REALLY MEAN though
softballanjul44 (8:00:32 PM): well apologize for it
softballanjul44 (8:00:43 PM): and just be like its really frustrating, etc.
mr mOo237 (8:00:45 PM): what they are "hiding" from me is one of our friends was feeling suicidal supposedly and anna couldn't help them so jen is
mr mOo237 (8:01:03 PM): and I told anna that she was handling this childishly
mr mOo237 (8:01:10 PM): it's like nobody's fucking heard of ADULTS
mr mOo237 (8:01:16 PM): or other peers that can help
softballanjul44 (8:01:19 PM): are you serious???
softballanjul44 (8:01:23 PM): they need to tell someone
mr mOo237 (8:01:26 PM): they told me "well this person only wants one person to help"
mr mOo237 (8:01:41 PM): jen bitches about how much stress it causes her
softballanjul44 (8:01:43 PM): so! it doesnt matter what they want
softballanjul44 (8:01:53 PM): they're thinkin about fuckin killin themselves
mr mOo237 (8:02:14 PM): obviously it's better to keep it quiet in a close circle of friends so that person doesn't feel upset
softballanjul44 (8:02:17 PM): im sorry this isnt the time to be like "whatever makes you happy" it should be "whatever helps you through this so you will be happy"
mr mOo237 (8:02:17 PM): that is their reasoning
softballanjul44 (8:02:23 PM): thats dumb
mr mOo237 (8:02:29 PM): is their reasoning good?
mr mOo237 (8:02:37 PM): I don't think so.
softballanjul44 (8:02:38 PM): it is in certain situations
softballanjul44 (8:02:40 PM): but not this one
mr mOo237 (8:02:58 PM): it's not like "blah blah broke up with blah blah and feels sad and only wants jen to help"
mr mOo237 (8:03:04 PM): I could understand how I need to stay out of that
softballanjul44 (8:03:08 PM): yeah
softballanjul44 (8:03:16 PM): but this person is thinking of killing themselves
softballanjul44 (8:03:20 PM): this is a little more serious
mr mOo237 (8:03:22 PM): and anna said I know the person
mr mOo237 (8:03:35 PM): I don't know if they STILL feel like that, or if they're recovering
mr mOo237 (8:03:46 PM): either way I don't think it's good to keep it to one or two people
softballanjul44 (8:04:01 PM): i totally agree with you
mr mOo237 (8:04:27 PM): it wouldn't HURT at all
mr mOo237 (8:04:29 PM): i mean
mr mOo237 (8:04:40 PM): if letting one or two people know is causing this much stress on these two people
mr mOo237 (8:04:47 PM): wouldn't it make sense to have several people help?
mr mOo237 (8:05:00 PM): or at least be aware of the situation so they could help inadvertantly by acting different aroudn that person?
mr mOo237 (8:05:05 PM): by not saying certain things
softballanjul44 (8:05:09 PM): yeah
mr mOo237 (8:05:27 PM): because this friend...if i knew who it was, i'd be sure not to press any of their buttons and help them get better without directly adressing them about their problem
mr mOo237 (8:05:32 PM): but that's now how jen and anna feel about it
mr mOo237 (8:05:35 PM): and it's pissing me off
softballanjul44 (8:06:08 PM): g2g

I'll go ahead and paste what I said when I talked with anna too. Maybe I'll edit some.

mr mOo237 (3:21:32 PM): yeah sorry for all those comments i'll keep them to myself and megan from now on
mr mOo237 (3:21:47 PM): no sense making a fuss
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:21:49 PM): it's all right
mr mOo237 (3:22:12 PM): well apparently not so I won't bother anymore
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:22:33 PM): I'm not making a fuss over it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:23:15 PM): It's your opinion, and well I understand where most of it is coming from even if I don't completly agree
mr mOo237 (3:24:17 PM): " well nothing against you darling but... some of the things going on right now I just can't talk about." this doesn't make sense because you DO talk about them in your blog, just in a roundabout way. blogs are public.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:24:46 PM): I can't talk about them in detail is what I meant
mr mOo237 (3:24:50 PM): and publicly saying somethign without actually saying the rest to fill people in is annoying to people like me
mr mOo237 (3:25:09 PM): *sigh*
mr mOo237 (3:25:11 PM): say what you mean pls
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:25:48 PM): Well you see I can understand that you feel that way about it but I have to say some things I can't keep everything completly locked inside of me
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:25:52 PM): I learned that lesson
mr mOo237 (3:26:20 PM): i'm not saying to keep it to yourself
mr mOo237 (3:26:28 PM): but maybe it's just not something you should put in a blog?
mr mOo237 (3:26:55 PM): not one that everybody reads
mr mOo237 (3:27:07 PM): you can make private blogs
mr mOo237 (3:27:29 PM): i give up
mr mOo237 (3:27:40 PM): put whatever you want in the damn things
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:27:51 PM): :-) I see where you're coming from I just don't exactly agree that's it
mr mOo237 (3:27:52 PM): you're the sanist of the sane
mr mOo237 (3:27:57 PM): you don't have problems
mr mOo237 (3:28:04 PM): other people have problems which give you problems
mr mOo237 (3:28:22 PM): jen's always so angsty
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:28:26 PM): That's basically it my problems are nothing compared to others
mr mOo237 (3:28:31 PM): and I honestly think it's over stuff she doesn't need to be over
mr mOo237 (3:28:52 PM): but she doesn't see it like that of course she doesn't I dont' EXPECT her to see it like that and I can't change her view
mr mOo237 (3:29:02 PM): so when i bring something up it's completely wrong to her
mr mOo237 (3:29:06 PM): until she notices later
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:29:07 PM): Some of the things she deals with are amazing I really don't know how she does it to tell you the truth
mr mOo237 (3:29:39 PM): I can't take people as having serious problems if I don't ahve any proof
mr mOo237 (3:29:46 PM): so she can't get upset where I come from.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:03 PM): Well she did tell you about the ton of her friends that are.. suicidal
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:09 PM): I'd consider that pretty big
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:14 PM): and serious
mr mOo237 (3:30:19 PM): I can't sympathize and understand her stress from friends who slit their wrists and feel suicidal since I don't know these people and can't tell if that's true or not
mr mOo237 (3:30:40 PM): the problem is most of the time these teens just need attention
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:44 PM): I know a couple of them.. and it's very true
mr mOo237 (3:30:45 PM): they feel that way because of a lack of it
mr mOo237 (3:30:52 PM): and if they are cared for they become okay again
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:31:06 PM): You're right.. and Jen's the one who cares for them
mr mOo237 (3:31:06 PM): like I said i ahve to go on assumptions because I don't know these people
mr mOo237 (3:31:19 PM): well then it's NOT QUITE that serious
mr mOo237 (3:31:26 PM): lots of people can FEEL that way sometimes
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:31:32 PM): well you see it's a TON of stress on her
mr mOo237 (3:31:36 PM): but you don't need to become completely absorbed in their world
mr mOo237 (3:31:39 PM): which is what she does
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:31:47 PM): Keeping a bunch of people alive... that's what she does
mr mOo237 (3:31:49 PM): she won't listen to me
mr mOo237 (3:32:04 PM): you can keep people alive without sacrificing part of yourself
mr mOo237 (3:32:26 PM): she should be trying to help these people help themselves
mr mOo237 (3:32:30 PM): not just help them herself
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:32:31 PM): Not really.. because in situations like this she has to put her heart and soul into it to bring them up.. and it drags her down
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:32:38 PM): I know this b/c I've been in the situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:32:47 PM): well you see sometimes people don't want to help themselves
mr mOo237 (3:33:10 PM): i'm sure that jen is not the ONLY PERSON that cares for these people...
mr mOo237 (3:33:17 PM): jen doesn't need to take it all upon herself
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:33:23 PM): I know in one situation she is
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:33:28 PM): And that's acutally my fault
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:33:48 PM): I couldn't handle it so I kinda well gave up and she took over
mr mOo237 (3:33:52 PM): I find that hard to believe that jen is the only peer of this person that cares about them
mr mOo237 (3:34:04 PM): how many people would show up at their funeral? that's how many peers care
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:34:24 PM): Some people don't know how many people that care for them and don't believe anybody cares for them
mr mOo237 (3:34:26 PM): not just jen i can assure myself of that unless you can point me to a teenager who lives a soliasdfl;asdfj ah nevermind
mr mOo237 (3:34:41 PM): which is why the people they are overlooking need to step in
mr mOo237 (3:34:42 PM): not just jen
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:34:51 PM): They won't let anybody help
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:04 PM): except jen.. which is my fault again it used to be me
mr mOo237 (3:35:06 PM): if jen wants to take this all upon herself by herself, then this might sound kind of mean but she deserves all that stress
mr mOo237 (3:35:21 PM): for handling it childishly
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:27 PM): She doesn't exactly have a choice... if she doesn't then people could die
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:39 PM): Actually i don't know about people
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:43 PM): let me correct that A person
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:49 PM): and i'm not sure if that's still the situation
mr mOo237 (3:35:56 PM): is this person somebody i know or not
mr mOo237 (3:35:59 PM): just tell me dammit
mr mOo237 (3:36:14 PM): don't tell me who just tell me if i know them.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:36:19 PM): I wish I could tell you that but I think that's a little too much information
mr mOo237 (3:36:30 PM): tell me if i know them or not
mr mOo237 (3:36:53 PM): what makes you so special and privy to this information if you can't help them like you claim
mr mOo237 (3:37:06 PM): *sigh*
mr mOo237 (3:37:37 PM): i'm not going to approach this person
mr mOo237 (3:37:40 PM): it's just nice to know
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:37:47 PM): James, me and jen have taken it upon ourselves to help anybody who asks. This one person I was helping. I just couldn't handle it. So, Jen took over. And I'm very ashamed of this but it's the truth
mr mOo237 (3:37:48 PM): so i know how to treat them.
mr mOo237 (3:38:07 PM): I know that much.
mr mOo237 (3:38:10 PM): do I know this person.
mr mOo237 (3:38:14 PM): ?
mr mOo237 (3:38:23 PM): that is not too much information to ask.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:38:56 PM): Actually, it is because me and jen have much trust at stake
mr mOo237 (3:39:08 PM): anna
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:39:13 PM): and it's killing me inside I want to answer your question but I can't
mr mOo237 (3:39:22 PM): you can tell me if i know them or not.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:39:45 PM): Be logical.. what would be the reason i'm not answering your question
mr mOo237 (3:39:49 PM): that has nothing to do with the severity of the problem
mr mOo237 (3:39:58 PM): well then you could have just saved me the trouble
mr mOo237 (3:40:01 PM): i just wanted you to say it.
mr mOo237 (3:40:20 PM): I'm fairly certain it's jill I have heard lots about such things but then again i'm just guessing.
mr mOo237 (3:40:39 PM): and if it is then everything you are telling me is a crazy lie
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:40:45 PM): I can tell you it's not Jill.. but don't guess anymore
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:41:20 PM): Jill's fine
mr mOo237 (3:41:42 PM): if it's somebody i know then obviously everybody else in that group know them too and cars
mr mOo237 (3:41:50 PM): so there's no reason for just jen to attack the problem
mr mOo237 (3:41:58 PM): but go ahead and handle this like you two want to...
mr mOo237 (3:42:10 PM): i'll sit back and do nothing like i'm supposed to since I don't understand or whatever
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:42:10 PM): How do you want her to attack the problem?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:42:15 PM): What do you want us to do James?
mr mOo237 (3:42:19 PM): not by yourselves
mr mOo237 (3:42:40 PM): and of course not a million people that is overwhelming to the person in trouble
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:43:05 PM): With some people.. having even one person know is hard
mr mOo237 (3:43:56 PM): yep
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:44:02 PM): And james don't think we are excluding you or whatever.. we're not... I mean there are even secrets between me and jen because we don't break people's trust
mr mOo237 (3:44:15 PM): if something bad ever happens that could have POSSIBLY been prevented by having me help I will never forgive anybody involved.
mr mOo237 (3:44:28 PM): or somebody else help
mr mOo237 (3:44:52 PM): I don't want to see bad things come from a problem being solved this way
mr mOo237 (3:44:56 PM): especially when it's avoidable
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:45:33 PM): I understand what you mean..
mr mOo237 (3:46:31 PM): I wish children understood how serious suicide is and how to handle it.


Later that night, bear with me if you're reading all this...
mr mOo237 (8:06:51 PM): sorry about that last remark i shot at you I didn't wholly mean it.
mr mOo237 (8:06:58 PM): but you aren't acting right about all this...
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:07:07 PM): how do you want me to act james?
mr mOo237 (8:07:38 PM): well I think it would be best for you and this person and me and everybody...
mr mOo237 (8:07:42 PM): if you weren't so secretive about it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:07:48 PM): it isn't my choice
mr mOo237 (8:07:52 PM): I talked with april tonight and feel a lot better about my opinions now
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:07:53 PM): if it was, then i would tell
mr mOo237 (8:08:20 PM): anna I don't think you're being wholly truthful with yourself..
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:08:28 PM): how?
mr mOo237 (8:08:40 PM): by saying you are incapable of telling others
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:08:50 PM): well I could, yes
mr mOo237 (8:09:00 PM): if somebody is FUCKING SUICIDAL, ALL TRUST AND SECRETS ARE FUCKING THROWN OUT THE WINDOW
mr mOo237 (8:09:11 PM): if you can't see that then........then........god......
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:14 PM): I know what you mean
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:16 PM): I see it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:21 PM): but don't you see i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:27 PM): it kills me inside knowing things like this
mr mOo237 (8:09:30 PM): I just suggested to you!
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:36 PM): I know
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:40 PM): you want me to tell everyone
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:41 PM): I know
mr mOo237 (8:09:45 PM): is this person STILL suicidal, or just upset and recovering
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:47 PM): and that's what i want to do
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:52 PM): upset and recovering
mr mOo237 (8:10:01 PM): now anna
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:10:07 PM): if they were STILL then i would have told
mr mOo237 (8:10:09 PM): how can anybody help this person if they dont know there is a problem?
mr mOo237 (8:10:23 PM): or what the problem is or how to help it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:10:29 PM): what do you mean
mr mOo237 (8:10:50 PM): how do I know what to do to help this person, and I DO NEED TO HELP, and EVERYBODY NEEDS TO HELP, if you keep everything secret?
mr mOo237 (8:11:08 PM): If you do not inform me of their situation, I do not know how to act around them
mr mOo237 (8:11:24 PM): if I know, then i can avoid certain subjects and treat them a little differently to inadvertantly help them
mr mOo237 (8:11:34 PM): same goes for everybody else who cares about that person
mr mOo237 (8:11:39 PM): and that's the fact.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:11:58 PM): I wish there were no secrets...... but people trust me with their secrets you must understand that I can't go telling everybody
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:12:10 PM): I'm not saying I don't trust you... I do trust you and I value your opinion
mr mOo237 (8:12:14 PM): and you repeatedly cannot give me an aswer why
mr mOo237 (8:12:21 PM): you cannot tell me why you can't tell
mr mOo237 (8:12:29 PM): which is why what you're saying doesn't make any sense
mr mOo237 (8:12:41 PM): it doesn't make sense to anybody outside of the situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:12:45 PM): It's because the person does not wish for me to tell b/c it is their problem and they don't want a lot of people to know
mr mOo237 (8:12:45 PM): and maybe that's a hint
mr mOo237 (8:12:57 PM): sometimes you have to go agains the sick person's wishes
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:13:03 PM): No james I'm not trying to alienate you if that's what youre saying
mr mOo237 (8:13:06 PM): they're not thinking straight
mr mOo237 (8:13:14 PM): you're alienating everybody
mr mOo237 (8:13:21 PM): me, other friends, this person's parents...
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:13:35 PM): i dont TRY to james i have this problem i keep everything inside of me i'm scared what will happen when people know
mr mOo237 (8:13:48 PM): but it's not even something ABOUT YOU anna
mr mOo237 (8:13:52 PM): it's about somebody else
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:13:56 PM): some things are about me james
mr mOo237 (8:13:56 PM): you're not telling me something personal about you
mr mOo237 (8:14:12 PM): unless you've been talking in the third person this whole time and you are the one that felt suicidal
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:14:20 PM): those people are scared of what people will thing
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:14:22 PM): think*
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:14:27 PM): no i'm not suicidal james
mr mOo237 (8:14:31 PM): I didn't think so.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:15:18 PM): i understand what you mean by you want to know so that you advoid certain things... but you see some people are paranoid for people to know those sensitive subjects b/c they can also be used against them
mr mOo237 (8:15:46 PM): sometimes you have to go against the will of the person who is in trouble so you can help them in the long run
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:15:57 PM): i know
mr mOo237 (8:16:05 PM): this person obviously does not know what is good for them
mr mOo237 (8:16:10 PM): if they felt like killing themselves
mr mOo237 (8:16:13 PM): agreed?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:16:17 PM): and i might be about to do that b/c i've been thinking about what you've been saying
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:16:31 PM): but i have to talk to someone first and decide if they are on the road to getting better or if they aren't
mr mOo237 (8:16:49 PM): do you disagree or agree with my former statement?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:17:04 PM): it depends on the situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:17:08 PM): and the people involved
mr mOo237 (8:17:21 PM): well then obviously I am talking about this situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:17:37 PM): In this situation you are right
mr mOo237 (8:19:01 PM): well if they don't know what is good for them... why should you worry so much about this "trust" if breaking that trust to get them help will be better in the long run? ponder that for me
mr mOo237 (8:19:17 PM): nobody is going to make the situation worse, not people that it makes sense to tell
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:19:31 PM): James I don't want to get anybody else involved
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:19:39 PM): this whole thing has hurt me more than I could explain
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:19:44 PM): I dont' want it hurting anybody else
mr mOo237 (8:20:14 PM): don't get mad at me but...that's where the "childish" part of my statement comes in
mr mOo237 (8:20:42 PM): it is worse to let it fuck up one or two people than to have everybody, even if it isn't directly, helping the person
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:06 PM): But this person is getting better... that's my opinion
mr mOo237 (8:21:20 PM): well then what are you and jen so worried about?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:23 PM): I'm talking to someone tonight and if their opinion differs then I'm going to get the courage to tell someone about it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:36 PM): James, this situation has gone to the back burner
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:42 PM): I don't know what Jen's so worried about
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:46 PM): I have no idea
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:49 PM): I'm asking her tonight
mr mOo237 (8:21:55 PM): you should
mr mOo237 (8:22:02 PM): and tell me if it's applicable
mr mOo237 (8:22:08 PM): since jen doesn't want to listen to me really
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:22:20 PM): It's not that, last night she just got a little caught up in her anger
mr mOo237 (8:22:33 PM): if you talk to "this person" tonight and they are doing okay, which really you should know already, don't hesitate to tell me
mr mOo237 (8:22:42 PM): the ONLY PERSON I will tell is megan
mr mOo237 (8:22:46 PM): i'll be honest with you
mr mOo237 (8:22:53 PM): we can't hide anything from each other...
mr mOo237 (8:23:05 PM): so if you ever tell megan something, i'll probably find out, and vice versa
mr mOo237 (8:23:06 PM): hehe
mr mOo237 (8:23:16 PM): at least i'm being honest with you about that
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:23:44 PM): Yea... well james i do trust you you know, some people just don't like their deepest secrets being told..
mr mOo237 (8:23:57 PM): yep
mr mOo237 (8:24:28 PM): and that brings me to my original statement about what a person knows is or isn't best for them...so yes
mr mOo237 (8:24:32 PM): I am going to go play games now
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:24:36 PM): okay dokay
mr mOo237 (8:24:37 PM): I hope you do the right thing
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:24:41 PM): so do i

How did James handle himself? Fine.

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 09:25:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

In other news, Megan comes home today yayayayayayayayaya! I hope she comes home early so I can talk on the phone with her. Yeah I'm such a clingy little thing.

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 01:09:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I have a newfound talent, folks! I think it involves saying things that I'm fairly certain I mean, then watching them unravel as they are deciphered in ways I didn't originally intend them to be. So here I am on a beautiful sunday afternoon trying to heap all of this mess back together into a cohesive message I am trying to get across.

I've considered several angles to go at this. I could quote lots of things people have directly said in response to me, and combat and agree with certain points. I could submit to their opinions and do what they say, and conform myself to them. I think though, what would honestly be best, is for me to do the easiest thing- absolutely nothing. For once, I'm not going to defend my opinion, I'm not going to combat theirs on any level, I won't bring up what I'm thinking again and I'll just sit over here and do nothing. Anything I say simply creates friction and anger from those who are experiencing what I give my opinion about, because they don't understand where I am coming from. That's okay. I'm not needed. I won't complain about what everybody puts in their blogs, I won't even try to restate my opinion of WHY I brought it up. Nobody is approaching me with these problems for a reason. I'm cool. I have the perfect solution- retreat into Megan. She's there for me. I'll just keep what I'm thinking between her and I, like always. So yeah I'm not sorry for bringing my opinion to the surface, and once again James succeeds in conciously alienating himself from some people. They did it to me first.

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 01:08:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Man did you see that huge comment left in there? Yeah, I'll respond to that later tonight maybe. I just had a long AIM convo with Jen, but I don't think we got very far. hey I got an idea I'll just paste the whole thing in here instead of summarizing.

hyperpoptart1212: hey...i just put a comment on your blog I'd appreciate if you'd read
mr mOo237: mmkay sure
mr mOo237: i love getting comments
hyperpoptart1212: you might not love this one
mr mOo237: uh oes
mr mOo237: if it's really long, you can email me
mr mOo237: *reads*
hyperpoptart1212: yeah, but i wanted this one posted
mr mOo237: haha, the two choices you gave me were "say nothing and keep your opinions to yourself" or still say nothing and keep my opinins to myself, but understand more. nice options.
hyperpoptart1212: lol oops
hyperpoptart1212: well i meant if u didnt want to talk about it and realize that im not kidding
mr mOo237: I shall address this in the open
mr mOo237: since you put it out in the open in the comments thing
hyperpoptart1212: fair enough
mr mOo237: this is the strategic point where I SHOULD shut up but will end up probably sounding like an asshole...but maybe someday, somewhere, you'll see in hindsight what i'm saying and apologize to me later.
hyperpoptart1212: i do see what youre saying, im doing everything in my power to understand what you mean
hyperpoptart1212: but you refuse to listen to me
hyperpoptart1212: because i'd imagine i've said this before, and i nkow anna has
hyperpoptart1212: *know
mr mOo237: you're saying the same things over and over
hyperpoptart1212: yes i am
hyperpoptart1212: but u havent understood it in the past
hyperpoptart1212: i thought maybe if it was that explicitly written out, maybe you'd at least try to
mr mOo237: your idea of understand is "agree with your point of view"
hyperpoptart1212: so is yours
mr mOo237: not for me to understand and "for my own point of view"
hyperpoptart1212: no
mr mOo237: *form
hyperpoptart1212: i think you need to stop complaining about what i write in my blog
hyperpoptart1212: thats all i said
mr mOo237: haha
mr mOo237: i'm not allowed to say anything?
hyperpoptart1212: it was either shut up and keep it to yourself, or try to understand
hyperpoptart1212: because things arent going to change
mr mOo237: come now, when you get all wishy-washy and say "GUYS THERE IS SOMETHING SO HUGE GOING ON RIGHT NOW BUT I CANT SAY BUT ILL SAY THAT I CANT SAY"
hyperpoptart1212: you say things arent important, nothings "really" the matter w/anyone
hyperpoptart1212: i just dont understnad how u can think that
hyperpoptart1212: well u know what james?
mr mOo237: because you are too immersed in things
mr mOo237: i think..
mr mOo237: what?
mr mOo237: i'm an asshole?
hyperpoptart1212: if i had told someone what was going on a while before, and they found out, someoen wouldve *CENCSORIEDKEVIDYKEV
mr mOo237: i get that alot :-(
hyperpoptart1212: excuse me for not wanting that to happen
mr mOo237: yes that *CESDF* thing was handled immaturely
mr mOo237: and thus i couldn't take it serious
mr mOo237: THE COPS
mr mOo237: oh well
mr mOo237: i already know your counter it's okay.
hyperpoptart1212: yeah, that "*FCDSFK*thing" was partially "CENSORIEDKEVIDYKEVKEVINJOGB"
mr mOo237: yes yes i know dear
mr mOo237: and nobody was going to KEVIDY KEV KEV
hyperpoptart1212: i agree
mr mOo237: so there wasn't a problem
hyperpoptart1212: gah
hyperpoptart1212: u just wont listen
hyperpoptart1212: you never will
mr mOo237: i'm listening right now
mr mOo237: it's just when I do listen
mr mOo237: you don't like what i have to say
mr mOo237: heh
hyperpoptart1212: u have no f******** idea whats gon on lately, and when i try to say i can't explain, you decide that means its nothing!
mr mOo237: not that it's NOTHING
mr mOo237: but I highly doubt it's that big, i'm sorry.
hyperpoptart1212: there's nothing that evil and horrible going on in anybody's life right now,
mr mOo237: at least with people you are mentioning that immediately know
hyperpoptart1212: *rolls eyes*
mr mOo237: i'm sorry if I don't like to dabble in these emotions and feelings that I don't feel I need to
hyperpoptart1212: exactly! youve got to pick one james!
mr mOo237: you're too immersed in all of this
hyperpoptart1212: either stay out of it completely
mr mOo237: that's your problem
mr mOo237: I like to keep ties with people
mr mOo237: since it's not very easy for me to make ties with people
hyperpoptart1212: i like to keep ties w/people too
mr mOo237: it just sounds like you don't like what i have to say so you're trying to get me to shut up
hyperpoptart1212: isnt that what u told me to do? "i dont understand what ur blog is talking about, so u shouldnt say it"
hyperpoptart1212: that was the general idea
mr mOo237: yeah, not say it in a blog.
hyperpoptart1212: why?
hyperpoptart1212: its ur choice to read it
hyperpoptart1212: im not forcing you
mr mOo237: pointless...repetitive...forces me to form an opinion of what is going on that is not completely right since i only hear whispers...
hyperpoptart1212: exactly...if you're not really involved in something, you're not going to understant. thats not your fault, but u act like its ours
mr mOo237: i'm glad that you once tried to tell me everything, and I tried to give you my honest to god nice opinion of it all and you didn't like it :-(
mr mOo237: so it's not my fault but you can get mad at me
mr mOo237: haha
hyperpoptart1212: james, i told u far from everything, but from waht i do remember telling you, i listend to your oppinion
mr mOo237: yes yes we all keep secrets
hyperpoptart1212: i told u about jill and matt...where u said i deserved better, and guess what? i got out of that relationship!
hyperpoptart1212: tada!
mr mOo237: so why hold back from me?
hyperpoptart1212: because people have told me things they dont want spread around
hyperpoptart1212: and im not going to betray them
mr mOo237: then maybe you shouldn't inadvertantly spread it around by saying wishy-washy things in a blog
mr mOo237: write it in a journal
mr mOo237: or better yet
mr mOo237: talk with the person having problems!
hyperpoptart1212: i do!
hyperpoptart1212: but sometimes its just a really good way to vent in a way that lets people know that im not going to be in a great mood
hyperpoptart1212: b/c if i say absolutely nothing
hyperpoptart1212: and then act pissed off, which i cant always help
hyperpoptart1212: everyone gets mad at me for not saying anything
hyperpoptart1212: i did that for MONTHS
hyperpoptart1212: and then i got a blog
mr mOo237: I don't think I have
hyperpoptart1212: and w/most people, it calmed down
hyperpoptart1212: u havent
hyperpoptart1212: others have
mr mOo237: so maybe it's their problem not yours
hyperpoptart1212: but u complain now instead
hyperpoptart1212: well then maybe this is ur problem not mine too?
mr mOo237: i'm not really "complaining" as much as observing
hyperpoptart1212: i cant make everyone happy james
mr mOo237: in the grand scheme of things it all doesn't matter
hyperpoptart1212: but this is working best for me
hyperpoptart1212: so thats what im going to continue doing
mr mOo237: i'm sorry if i find some things you talk about rather lighthearted
hyperpoptart1212: yeah, well u generally find out the less serious ones and after the fact
hyperpoptart1212: i just wish u could realize that, and know that im not kidding around when i get really scared sometimes
mr mOo237: i don't mean to sound condescending, but you'll learn to see things from my point of view and not get so bent out over some things...
hyperpoptart1212: im not a little 5 year old who cries when they drop their dolly
mr mOo237: millions of teens feel exactally like you
hyperpoptart1212: and thats what it feels like ur saying
mr mOo237: always
hyperpoptart1212: i know
mr mOo237: you deserve better than to let all these things bog you down
hyperpoptart1212: not exactly something i can control
mr mOo237: i don't know where to go with this conversation
hyperpoptart1212: like i said, i've dropped as much of the nosyness as i could
hyperpoptart1212: but people tell me things, and im not about to defy them the chance to have someone listen
mr mOo237: i'm just inherently incompatible with all of you i'm fairly certain
mr mOo237: I didn't choose you all to be friends... i started dating megan then realized "hey these people are nice and i'd see them a lot with megan now so why not be friends" things are bound to not work out as well between you and I as, say, someone you decided to be friends with yourself over time
mr mOo237: i'm not saying the friendships i've made are BAD
mr mOo237: far from it
mr mOo237: it's just they aren't the handpicked, close ones I am used to
mr mOo237: and i'm going to run into incompatibility issues
hyperpoptart1212: im not trying to say that i dont want to be friends with you...its just that you have a tendancy to over express your oppinions at times. i mean, even tonight...u just decided that friends get into bad relationships
mr mOo237: i'm learning how to have certain friends jen
hyperpoptart1212: uv never even seen me and corey since we've been together
mr mOo237: they normally do
mr mOo237: i said you two were an exception
hyperpoptart1212: so i dont think its fair to be judged on a statistical basis
hyperpoptart1212: and if we werent in the chat, would u ahve made us the exception?
mr mOo237: probably
mr mOo237: because when i think "sweet" you and corey's names come up first
mr mOo237: least likely to hurt each other kinda thing
hyperpoptart1212: ok...well them im dropping that point
mr mOo237: heh
hyperpoptart1212: look, im sorry that blogs have been so bad that you feel that great of need to talk about them in urs...and i dont want to lose ur friendship. i just wanted you to know how i felt, because if i didnt tell u i'd end up like secretly mad at u and never get over it. so yeah...now im just worked up so im going to stop arguing b/c its going to make me look like a jerk b/c i'm starting to say things more out of anger than i should after i calm down
mr mOo237: pink floyd music helps that
hyperpoptart1212: lol

----- uh, what? yeah. Let me consider my current assets and I'll get back to you later. bleep ------

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 12:12:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I hate leaving this blog on a "sad" note, so I figured now is as good of a time as any to post. Well wouldn't ya know it, it's past 5 am. Ah well. Tonight/today has rocked, ryan, ryan, nate, and nathan are over right now. We've played BattleField 1942 on lan, F-Zero GX, DDR, and I now have literally hundreds of MAME ROMs on my PC thanks to ryan :D SEXY REACTION! I think True Love and some wacky game pr0n was thrown in there for good measure. Things have settled down for the evening though, it's just myself and the glow of my monitor and keyboard. Very relaxing. Is it odd to thrive in the dark, resting one's eyes only on that which suits them, while everything else melts away? Maybe that's why I enjoy the dark, less things to conciously worry about. The subconcious is brought to the surface. Or maybe it's just dark.

Should James get some sleep? I guess I need to wake up eventually to play more games geez. Well I guess I'll do my HW left over from wednesday thanks to misses hurricane, and then host keopardy and help with trivia what what. I'm kinda tired I guess, here's to sleep!

Oh, and everybody posting sad stuff in their blogs... I don't know how theraputic you find it to post things like that on your blogs, mostly towards yourselves, but it shows. As an outsider/casual friend I usually don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about. If you have a problem get it out in the open, or keep it to yourself or whoever needs to know. In the middle is just torment for people on both sides of the fence. This might sound sort of harsh, but there's nothing that evil and horrible going on in anybody's life right now, I can rest fairly assured in this fact. Unless they are magicians and can cover something huge from me. In which case what does my opinion matter anyways if they feel so inclined to hide it from me? I often come off as a teenager who doesn't care, but it's more from the perspective of stepping away from the situation and analyzing it, instead of getting caught in a flurry of unneccessary emotions and fluster. I care, but perhaps not in the horribly sympathetic way you are looking for me to be. If it's genuine I will act like it. Most of the time friends have let me down in proving that what they claimed to be big was really big. They're just learning. We all have to hurt a little to learn. Or something.

Megan is somewhere in NY right now...yaya. I can't complain about not seeing her, since I spent all of thursday and most of friday with her thanks to the retarded cancellation of school. She'll enjoy the wedding. Or she'll enjoy the memories of the wedding 20 years from now. Ah well I'll see her what, tuesday? wednesday? Here's to hoping. Blaggardy la ta tee ta bloop!

:: Floydthebarber 9/20/2003 05:19:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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