:: Monday, September 29, 2003 ::

I only post quickly when something crazy happens. I keep telling myself that this can be interpreted many ways, and the panicky response it has derrived from me right now isn't based off anything and the whole thought will be cleared up by tomorrow. But anyways I was just chatting with Megan on AIM about things, and she's kinda down on herself so i'm tyring my best to cheer her up. Then this happens:

Anjiru18: i'm sensitive about everything.
mr mOo237: I'm here to help you if you want it
Anjiru18: i know. but normally it's a good thing i guess.
Anjiru18: i gotta go
Anjiru18: bai bai
mr mOo237: bye
mr mOo237: i love you
mr mOo237: sweet dreams
Anjiru18: i love you too
Anjiru18: somehow i doubt it.
Anjiru18 signed off at 9:56:20 PM.

What is that supposed to mean? I hate object pronouns, what is "it" referring to? Does she doubt the fact that I love her, or does she doubt the fact that she loves me? She said it after what she said, so I'd assume it means sometimes she doubts that she loves me. This is news, for the past few YEARS all she has done has loved me, I have been the one who was unresponsive and dropped the ball. So if she doubts her love for me sometimes, is it my fault or hers? I'm guessing she's blaming it on herself, since our whole convo was how she feels depressed about herself due to what other people say sometimes. Dear God, I hope it's not my fault she sometimes doubts her love for me, because I have honestly and truly been faithful ever since February 14th, and have tried my damn best to show her just how much I really do care about her. That does include being truthful, and sometimes the truth isn't what we want to hear... but I deliver my opinion to her and I hope she isn't faulting me for that. On the flipside, sometimes I tend to shoot down her opinion, but she doesn't need to react so strongly towards it... I still love her just as much despite what I may say about one particular subject.

I'm very worried about this thing she said. I've never ever ever heard her say she's doubted her love for me, and I can't decide whether it's my fault she feels that way or hers. I never, ever pictured gaps in our relationship due to her feelings from me, I've always been paranoid that I would not keep myself in check and become some retarded lust-filled boy leaving her for another, which is something I know I would regret sincerely and has made me try all the harder to make this relationship, one that is working out what seems to be perfectly, continue to work. She doesn't need to doubt the love between us due to what she sees as faults within herself...

Everybody that reads this and knows her, stop for a second and think for me. When was the last time you said something seriously complimenting to her, or listened to her opinion seriously and didn't shoot it down? Little things pile up, and I don't want to see anybody making life rough on Megan, intenionally or unintentionally. If you're not willing to make that effort to be kind to her like you should be anyways, there is no reason to continue being friends with her. I hate seeing her upset like this. If it's your fault, then I hate you.

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 09:58:00 PM [+] ::
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