:: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 ::

I wore my dad's 1985 Air Jordan's to school. check this out! Those ones are going for 130 bucks, and mine are in the rarer carolina blue. I think I'll just keep them to retire off of.

:: Floydthebarber 9/30/2003 04:49:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

People are telling me she's doubting having sweet dreams, which isn't how it was read to me in my mind but sounds plausible enough. I guess I need a good scare now and then.

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 10:15:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I only post quickly when something crazy happens. I keep telling myself that this can be interpreted many ways, and the panicky response it has derrived from me right now isn't based off anything and the whole thought will be cleared up by tomorrow. But anyways I was just chatting with Megan on AIM about things, and she's kinda down on herself so i'm tyring my best to cheer her up. Then this happens:

Anjiru18: i'm sensitive about everything.
mr mOo237: I'm here to help you if you want it
Anjiru18: i know. but normally it's a good thing i guess.
Anjiru18: i gotta go
Anjiru18: bai bai
mr mOo237: bye
mr mOo237: i love you
mr mOo237: sweet dreams
Anjiru18: i love you too
Anjiru18: somehow i doubt it.
Anjiru18 signed off at 9:56:20 PM.

What is that supposed to mean? I hate object pronouns, what is "it" referring to? Does she doubt the fact that I love her, or does she doubt the fact that she loves me? She said it after what she said, so I'd assume it means sometimes she doubts that she loves me. This is news, for the past few YEARS all she has done has loved me, I have been the one who was unresponsive and dropped the ball. So if she doubts her love for me sometimes, is it my fault or hers? I'm guessing she's blaming it on herself, since our whole convo was how she feels depressed about herself due to what other people say sometimes. Dear God, I hope it's not my fault she sometimes doubts her love for me, because I have honestly and truly been faithful ever since February 14th, and have tried my damn best to show her just how much I really do care about her. That does include being truthful, and sometimes the truth isn't what we want to hear... but I deliver my opinion to her and I hope she isn't faulting me for that. On the flipside, sometimes I tend to shoot down her opinion, but she doesn't need to react so strongly towards it... I still love her just as much despite what I may say about one particular subject.

I'm very worried about this thing she said. I've never ever ever heard her say she's doubted her love for me, and I can't decide whether it's my fault she feels that way or hers. I never, ever pictured gaps in our relationship due to her feelings from me, I've always been paranoid that I would not keep myself in check and become some retarded lust-filled boy leaving her for another, which is something I know I would regret sincerely and has made me try all the harder to make this relationship, one that is working out what seems to be perfectly, continue to work. She doesn't need to doubt the love between us due to what she sees as faults within herself...

Everybody that reads this and knows her, stop for a second and think for me. When was the last time you said something seriously complimenting to her, or listened to her opinion seriously and didn't shoot it down? Little things pile up, and I don't want to see anybody making life rough on Megan, intenionally or unintentionally. If you're not willing to make that effort to be kind to her like you should be anyways, there is no reason to continue being friends with her. I hate seeing her upset like this. If it's your fault, then I hate you.

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 09:58:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Hey whoops, I still have a blog! I saw Megan three out of three nights this past weekend, which was spectacular. Very theraputic. Gathering was at Jen's, where DDR and various N64 games were given a workout. Anna wasn't there and is still sick, as she wasn't at school today. Get better Anna please! Lunch today was rather mundane without her. Ah well that's okay. I was pretty paranoid about the black dudes in line who seemed as if they wanted to steal stuff from my backpack, but I emerged from the lunch line unscathed.

Fall is upon us! I had to wear my awesome soft pseudo-fleece thing to school \m/. The Talking Heads and the Blue Man Group have been rediscovered. But everything I have typed up to this point is pointless. One fateful saturday night, on into the wee hours of sunday morning, a certain cow, sink, and barber were discussing the cow's plans. Plans to build something so awesome that the barber and sink decided this idea must be undertook by themselves as well. What is this epic, daunting task you might ask? To build one of these:



YES! HOVERCRAFT-O-RAMA! This thing will be totally badass, and we're gonna ride it everywhere and act like morons and it'll be a blast. I'm oh so tempted to ask Megan's dad if I can borrow his gas powered blower(180 mph) in lieu of my corded one (200mph), although at my house due to our extreme christmas decorations situation cord length is not an issue. Hee Haw. So yes, I'm planning on having Nathan, Nate, Ryan, Ryan, Phil, and whoever else over saturday to build this thing. W00T!

:: Floydthebarber 9/29/2003 03:31:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

You likey the Jack Jack?

:: Floydthebarber 9/22/2003 09:31:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

When in doubt, always consult your best friend. Thanks, April. I'll always love ya!

mr mOo237 (7:49:04 PM): hi april
softballanjul44 (7:49:07 PM): hey
mr mOo237 (7:49:14 PM): today has been interesting
mr mOo237 (7:49:19 PM): i pissed a lot of people off with my opinion
mr mOo237 (7:49:26 PM): but hey what else is new
mr mOo237 (7:49:43 PM): by a lot, I mean jen and anna
softballanjul44 (7:53:55 PM): oh
softballanjul44 (7:53:59 PM): what was your opinion?
mr mOo237 (7:54:06 PM): weeeeeeeeelll
mr mOo237 (7:54:10 PM): let's see if i can summarize
mr mOo237 (7:54:27 PM): it started when anna and jen have just been saying lots of sad depressing angsty etc stuff in their blogs
mr mOo237 (7:54:34 PM): and they say stuff that is really wishy-washy
mr mOo237 (7:54:50 PM): like "OMG SOMETHING SO BIG IS GOING ON BUT I CANT TELL YOU BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT I CANT TELL YOU BLAH BLAH"
mr mOo237 (7:55:07 PM): and I told them how frustrating it is to be somebody on the outside and be told stupid shit like that
softballanjul44 (7:55:23 PM): yeah
softballanjul44 (7:55:24 PM): i agree
mr mOo237 (7:55:25 PM): blah diddy blah since they're the ones IN the situtation they took what I said out of proportion
mr mOo237 (7:55:29 PM): you can read my blog etc
softballanjul44 (7:55:43 PM): i already did
mr mOo237 (7:56:41 PM): so what did I do wrong?
mr mOo237 (7:56:49 PM): i need another person's opinion on what I said
softballanjul44 (7:56:58 PM): well they probably are only mad cuz they're the ones IN the situation.. like you said
mr mOo237 (7:56:58 PM): other than from the people I directed my comments to
softballanjul44 (7:57:12 PM): cuz i bet they'd feel the same way if you said something like that
mr mOo237 (7:57:43 PM): yeah
mr mOo237 (7:59:08 PM): so what did I do wrong
mr mOo237 (7:59:11 PM): what should I say to them
mr mOo237 (7:59:20 PM): I dunno....it's a big mess
softballanjul44 (7:59:33 PM): "sorry for coming off so harsh but its just kind of hard to read that and not think that"
softballanjul44 (7:59:37 PM): id say something like that
mr mOo237 (8:00:11 PM): I did take a cheap shot at anna that I don't REALLY MEAN though
softballanjul44 (8:00:32 PM): well apologize for it
softballanjul44 (8:00:43 PM): and just be like its really frustrating, etc.
mr mOo237 (8:00:45 PM): what they are "hiding" from me is one of our friends was feeling suicidal supposedly and anna couldn't help them so jen is
mr mOo237 (8:01:03 PM): and I told anna that she was handling this childishly
mr mOo237 (8:01:10 PM): it's like nobody's fucking heard of ADULTS
mr mOo237 (8:01:16 PM): or other peers that can help
softballanjul44 (8:01:19 PM): are you serious???
softballanjul44 (8:01:23 PM): they need to tell someone
mr mOo237 (8:01:26 PM): they told me "well this person only wants one person to help"
mr mOo237 (8:01:41 PM): jen bitches about how much stress it causes her
softballanjul44 (8:01:43 PM): so! it doesnt matter what they want
softballanjul44 (8:01:53 PM): they're thinkin about fuckin killin themselves
mr mOo237 (8:02:14 PM): obviously it's better to keep it quiet in a close circle of friends so that person doesn't feel upset
softballanjul44 (8:02:17 PM): im sorry this isnt the time to be like "whatever makes you happy" it should be "whatever helps you through this so you will be happy"
mr mOo237 (8:02:17 PM): that is their reasoning
softballanjul44 (8:02:23 PM): thats dumb
mr mOo237 (8:02:29 PM): is their reasoning good?
mr mOo237 (8:02:37 PM): I don't think so.
softballanjul44 (8:02:38 PM): it is in certain situations
softballanjul44 (8:02:40 PM): but not this one
mr mOo237 (8:02:58 PM): it's not like "blah blah broke up with blah blah and feels sad and only wants jen to help"
mr mOo237 (8:03:04 PM): I could understand how I need to stay out of that
softballanjul44 (8:03:08 PM): yeah
softballanjul44 (8:03:16 PM): but this person is thinking of killing themselves
softballanjul44 (8:03:20 PM): this is a little more serious
mr mOo237 (8:03:22 PM): and anna said I know the person
mr mOo237 (8:03:35 PM): I don't know if they STILL feel like that, or if they're recovering
mr mOo237 (8:03:46 PM): either way I don't think it's good to keep it to one or two people
softballanjul44 (8:04:01 PM): i totally agree with you
mr mOo237 (8:04:27 PM): it wouldn't HURT at all
mr mOo237 (8:04:29 PM): i mean
mr mOo237 (8:04:40 PM): if letting one or two people know is causing this much stress on these two people
mr mOo237 (8:04:47 PM): wouldn't it make sense to have several people help?
mr mOo237 (8:05:00 PM): or at least be aware of the situation so they could help inadvertantly by acting different aroudn that person?
mr mOo237 (8:05:05 PM): by not saying certain things
softballanjul44 (8:05:09 PM): yeah
mr mOo237 (8:05:27 PM): because this friend...if i knew who it was, i'd be sure not to press any of their buttons and help them get better without directly adressing them about their problem
mr mOo237 (8:05:32 PM): but that's now how jen and anna feel about it
mr mOo237 (8:05:35 PM): and it's pissing me off
softballanjul44 (8:06:08 PM): g2g

I'll go ahead and paste what I said when I talked with anna too. Maybe I'll edit some.

mr mOo237 (3:21:32 PM): yeah sorry for all those comments i'll keep them to myself and megan from now on
mr mOo237 (3:21:47 PM): no sense making a fuss
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:21:49 PM): it's all right
mr mOo237 (3:22:12 PM): well apparently not so I won't bother anymore
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:22:33 PM): I'm not making a fuss over it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:23:15 PM): It's your opinion, and well I understand where most of it is coming from even if I don't completly agree
mr mOo237 (3:24:17 PM): " well nothing against you darling but... some of the things going on right now I just can't talk about." this doesn't make sense because you DO talk about them in your blog, just in a roundabout way. blogs are public.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:24:46 PM): I can't talk about them in detail is what I meant
mr mOo237 (3:24:50 PM): and publicly saying somethign without actually saying the rest to fill people in is annoying to people like me
mr mOo237 (3:25:09 PM): *sigh*
mr mOo237 (3:25:11 PM): say what you mean pls
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:25:48 PM): Well you see I can understand that you feel that way about it but I have to say some things I can't keep everything completly locked inside of me
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:25:52 PM): I learned that lesson
mr mOo237 (3:26:20 PM): i'm not saying to keep it to yourself
mr mOo237 (3:26:28 PM): but maybe it's just not something you should put in a blog?
mr mOo237 (3:26:55 PM): not one that everybody reads
mr mOo237 (3:27:07 PM): you can make private blogs
mr mOo237 (3:27:29 PM): i give up
mr mOo237 (3:27:40 PM): put whatever you want in the damn things
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:27:51 PM): :-) I see where you're coming from I just don't exactly agree that's it
mr mOo237 (3:27:52 PM): you're the sanist of the sane
mr mOo237 (3:27:57 PM): you don't have problems
mr mOo237 (3:28:04 PM): other people have problems which give you problems
mr mOo237 (3:28:22 PM): jen's always so angsty
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:28:26 PM): That's basically it my problems are nothing compared to others
mr mOo237 (3:28:31 PM): and I honestly think it's over stuff she doesn't need to be over
mr mOo237 (3:28:52 PM): but she doesn't see it like that of course she doesn't I dont' EXPECT her to see it like that and I can't change her view
mr mOo237 (3:29:02 PM): so when i bring something up it's completely wrong to her
mr mOo237 (3:29:06 PM): until she notices later
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:29:07 PM): Some of the things she deals with are amazing I really don't know how she does it to tell you the truth
mr mOo237 (3:29:39 PM): I can't take people as having serious problems if I don't ahve any proof
mr mOo237 (3:29:46 PM): so she can't get upset where I come from.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:03 PM): Well she did tell you about the ton of her friends that are.. suicidal
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:09 PM): I'd consider that pretty big
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:14 PM): and serious
mr mOo237 (3:30:19 PM): I can't sympathize and understand her stress from friends who slit their wrists and feel suicidal since I don't know these people and can't tell if that's true or not
mr mOo237 (3:30:40 PM): the problem is most of the time these teens just need attention
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:30:44 PM): I know a couple of them.. and it's very true
mr mOo237 (3:30:45 PM): they feel that way because of a lack of it
mr mOo237 (3:30:52 PM): and if they are cared for they become okay again
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:31:06 PM): You're right.. and Jen's the one who cares for them
mr mOo237 (3:31:06 PM): like I said i ahve to go on assumptions because I don't know these people
mr mOo237 (3:31:19 PM): well then it's NOT QUITE that serious
mr mOo237 (3:31:26 PM): lots of people can FEEL that way sometimes
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:31:32 PM): well you see it's a TON of stress on her
mr mOo237 (3:31:36 PM): but you don't need to become completely absorbed in their world
mr mOo237 (3:31:39 PM): which is what she does
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:31:47 PM): Keeping a bunch of people alive... that's what she does
mr mOo237 (3:31:49 PM): she won't listen to me
mr mOo237 (3:32:04 PM): you can keep people alive without sacrificing part of yourself
mr mOo237 (3:32:26 PM): she should be trying to help these people help themselves
mr mOo237 (3:32:30 PM): not just help them herself
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:32:31 PM): Not really.. because in situations like this she has to put her heart and soul into it to bring them up.. and it drags her down
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:32:38 PM): I know this b/c I've been in the situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:32:47 PM): well you see sometimes people don't want to help themselves
mr mOo237 (3:33:10 PM): i'm sure that jen is not the ONLY PERSON that cares for these people...
mr mOo237 (3:33:17 PM): jen doesn't need to take it all upon herself
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:33:23 PM): I know in one situation she is
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:33:28 PM): And that's acutally my fault
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:33:48 PM): I couldn't handle it so I kinda well gave up and she took over
mr mOo237 (3:33:52 PM): I find that hard to believe that jen is the only peer of this person that cares about them
mr mOo237 (3:34:04 PM): how many people would show up at their funeral? that's how many peers care
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:34:24 PM): Some people don't know how many people that care for them and don't believe anybody cares for them
mr mOo237 (3:34:26 PM): not just jen i can assure myself of that unless you can point me to a teenager who lives a soliasdfl;asdfj ah nevermind
mr mOo237 (3:34:41 PM): which is why the people they are overlooking need to step in
mr mOo237 (3:34:42 PM): not just jen
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:34:51 PM): They won't let anybody help
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:04 PM): except jen.. which is my fault again it used to be me
mr mOo237 (3:35:06 PM): if jen wants to take this all upon herself by herself, then this might sound kind of mean but she deserves all that stress
mr mOo237 (3:35:21 PM): for handling it childishly
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:27 PM): She doesn't exactly have a choice... if she doesn't then people could die
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:39 PM): Actually i don't know about people
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:43 PM): let me correct that A person
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:35:49 PM): and i'm not sure if that's still the situation
mr mOo237 (3:35:56 PM): is this person somebody i know or not
mr mOo237 (3:35:59 PM): just tell me dammit
mr mOo237 (3:36:14 PM): don't tell me who just tell me if i know them.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:36:19 PM): I wish I could tell you that but I think that's a little too much information
mr mOo237 (3:36:30 PM): tell me if i know them or not
mr mOo237 (3:36:53 PM): what makes you so special and privy to this information if you can't help them like you claim
mr mOo237 (3:37:06 PM): *sigh*
mr mOo237 (3:37:37 PM): i'm not going to approach this person
mr mOo237 (3:37:40 PM): it's just nice to know
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:37:47 PM): James, me and jen have taken it upon ourselves to help anybody who asks. This one person I was helping. I just couldn't handle it. So, Jen took over. And I'm very ashamed of this but it's the truth
mr mOo237 (3:37:48 PM): so i know how to treat them.
mr mOo237 (3:38:07 PM): I know that much.
mr mOo237 (3:38:10 PM): do I know this person.
mr mOo237 (3:38:14 PM): ?
mr mOo237 (3:38:23 PM): that is not too much information to ask.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:38:56 PM): Actually, it is because me and jen have much trust at stake
mr mOo237 (3:39:08 PM): anna
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:39:13 PM): and it's killing me inside I want to answer your question but I can't
mr mOo237 (3:39:22 PM): you can tell me if i know them or not.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:39:45 PM): Be logical.. what would be the reason i'm not answering your question
mr mOo237 (3:39:49 PM): that has nothing to do with the severity of the problem
mr mOo237 (3:39:58 PM): well then you could have just saved me the trouble
mr mOo237 (3:40:01 PM): i just wanted you to say it.
mr mOo237 (3:40:20 PM): I'm fairly certain it's jill I have heard lots about such things but then again i'm just guessing.
mr mOo237 (3:40:39 PM): and if it is then everything you are telling me is a crazy lie
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:40:45 PM): I can tell you it's not Jill.. but don't guess anymore
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:41:20 PM): Jill's fine
mr mOo237 (3:41:42 PM): if it's somebody i know then obviously everybody else in that group know them too and cars
mr mOo237 (3:41:50 PM): so there's no reason for just jen to attack the problem
mr mOo237 (3:41:58 PM): but go ahead and handle this like you two want to...
mr mOo237 (3:42:10 PM): i'll sit back and do nothing like i'm supposed to since I don't understand or whatever
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:42:10 PM): How do you want her to attack the problem?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:42:15 PM): What do you want us to do James?
mr mOo237 (3:42:19 PM): not by yourselves
mr mOo237 (3:42:40 PM): and of course not a million people that is overwhelming to the person in trouble
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:43:05 PM): With some people.. having even one person know is hard
mr mOo237 (3:43:56 PM): yep
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:44:02 PM): And james don't think we are excluding you or whatever.. we're not... I mean there are even secrets between me and jen because we don't break people's trust
mr mOo237 (3:44:15 PM): if something bad ever happens that could have POSSIBLY been prevented by having me help I will never forgive anybody involved.
mr mOo237 (3:44:28 PM): or somebody else help
mr mOo237 (3:44:52 PM): I don't want to see bad things come from a problem being solved this way
mr mOo237 (3:44:56 PM): especially when it's avoidable
daannc HICK0 0 7 (3:45:33 PM): I understand what you mean..
mr mOo237 (3:46:31 PM): I wish children understood how serious suicide is and how to handle it.


Later that night, bear with me if you're reading all this...
mr mOo237 (8:06:51 PM): sorry about that last remark i shot at you I didn't wholly mean it.
mr mOo237 (8:06:58 PM): but you aren't acting right about all this...
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:07:07 PM): how do you want me to act james?
mr mOo237 (8:07:38 PM): well I think it would be best for you and this person and me and everybody...
mr mOo237 (8:07:42 PM): if you weren't so secretive about it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:07:48 PM): it isn't my choice
mr mOo237 (8:07:52 PM): I talked with april tonight and feel a lot better about my opinions now
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:07:53 PM): if it was, then i would tell
mr mOo237 (8:08:20 PM): anna I don't think you're being wholly truthful with yourself..
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:08:28 PM): how?
mr mOo237 (8:08:40 PM): by saying you are incapable of telling others
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:08:50 PM): well I could, yes
mr mOo237 (8:09:00 PM): if somebody is FUCKING SUICIDAL, ALL TRUST AND SECRETS ARE FUCKING THROWN OUT THE WINDOW
mr mOo237 (8:09:11 PM): if you can't see that then........then........god......
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:14 PM): I know what you mean
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:16 PM): I see it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:21 PM): but don't you see i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:27 PM): it kills me inside knowing things like this
mr mOo237 (8:09:30 PM): I just suggested to you!
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:36 PM): I know
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:40 PM): you want me to tell everyone
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:41 PM): I know
mr mOo237 (8:09:45 PM): is this person STILL suicidal, or just upset and recovering
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:47 PM): and that's what i want to do
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:09:52 PM): upset and recovering
mr mOo237 (8:10:01 PM): now anna
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:10:07 PM): if they were STILL then i would have told
mr mOo237 (8:10:09 PM): how can anybody help this person if they dont know there is a problem?
mr mOo237 (8:10:23 PM): or what the problem is or how to help it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:10:29 PM): what do you mean
mr mOo237 (8:10:50 PM): how do I know what to do to help this person, and I DO NEED TO HELP, and EVERYBODY NEEDS TO HELP, if you keep everything secret?
mr mOo237 (8:11:08 PM): If you do not inform me of their situation, I do not know how to act around them
mr mOo237 (8:11:24 PM): if I know, then i can avoid certain subjects and treat them a little differently to inadvertantly help them
mr mOo237 (8:11:34 PM): same goes for everybody else who cares about that person
mr mOo237 (8:11:39 PM): and that's the fact.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:11:58 PM): I wish there were no secrets...... but people trust me with their secrets you must understand that I can't go telling everybody
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:12:10 PM): I'm not saying I don't trust you... I do trust you and I value your opinion
mr mOo237 (8:12:14 PM): and you repeatedly cannot give me an aswer why
mr mOo237 (8:12:21 PM): you cannot tell me why you can't tell
mr mOo237 (8:12:29 PM): which is why what you're saying doesn't make any sense
mr mOo237 (8:12:41 PM): it doesn't make sense to anybody outside of the situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:12:45 PM): It's because the person does not wish for me to tell b/c it is their problem and they don't want a lot of people to know
mr mOo237 (8:12:45 PM): and maybe that's a hint
mr mOo237 (8:12:57 PM): sometimes you have to go agains the sick person's wishes
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:13:03 PM): No james I'm not trying to alienate you if that's what youre saying
mr mOo237 (8:13:06 PM): they're not thinking straight
mr mOo237 (8:13:14 PM): you're alienating everybody
mr mOo237 (8:13:21 PM): me, other friends, this person's parents...
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:13:35 PM): i dont TRY to james i have this problem i keep everything inside of me i'm scared what will happen when people know
mr mOo237 (8:13:48 PM): but it's not even something ABOUT YOU anna
mr mOo237 (8:13:52 PM): it's about somebody else
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:13:56 PM): some things are about me james
mr mOo237 (8:13:56 PM): you're not telling me something personal about you
mr mOo237 (8:14:12 PM): unless you've been talking in the third person this whole time and you are the one that felt suicidal
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:14:20 PM): those people are scared of what people will thing
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:14:22 PM): think*
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:14:27 PM): no i'm not suicidal james
mr mOo237 (8:14:31 PM): I didn't think so.
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:15:18 PM): i understand what you mean by you want to know so that you advoid certain things... but you see some people are paranoid for people to know those sensitive subjects b/c they can also be used against them
mr mOo237 (8:15:46 PM): sometimes you have to go against the will of the person who is in trouble so you can help them in the long run
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:15:57 PM): i know
mr mOo237 (8:16:05 PM): this person obviously does not know what is good for them
mr mOo237 (8:16:10 PM): if they felt like killing themselves
mr mOo237 (8:16:13 PM): agreed?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:16:17 PM): and i might be about to do that b/c i've been thinking about what you've been saying
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:16:31 PM): but i have to talk to someone first and decide if they are on the road to getting better or if they aren't
mr mOo237 (8:16:49 PM): do you disagree or agree with my former statement?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:17:04 PM): it depends on the situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:17:08 PM): and the people involved
mr mOo237 (8:17:21 PM): well then obviously I am talking about this situation
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:17:37 PM): In this situation you are right
mr mOo237 (8:19:01 PM): well if they don't know what is good for them... why should you worry so much about this "trust" if breaking that trust to get them help will be better in the long run? ponder that for me
mr mOo237 (8:19:17 PM): nobody is going to make the situation worse, not people that it makes sense to tell
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:19:31 PM): James I don't want to get anybody else involved
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:19:39 PM): this whole thing has hurt me more than I could explain
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:19:44 PM): I dont' want it hurting anybody else
mr mOo237 (8:20:14 PM): don't get mad at me but...that's where the "childish" part of my statement comes in
mr mOo237 (8:20:42 PM): it is worse to let it fuck up one or two people than to have everybody, even if it isn't directly, helping the person
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:06 PM): But this person is getting better... that's my opinion
mr mOo237 (8:21:20 PM): well then what are you and jen so worried about?
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:23 PM): I'm talking to someone tonight and if their opinion differs then I'm going to get the courage to tell someone about it
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:36 PM): James, this situation has gone to the back burner
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:42 PM): I don't know what Jen's so worried about
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:46 PM): I have no idea
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:21:49 PM): I'm asking her tonight
mr mOo237 (8:21:55 PM): you should
mr mOo237 (8:22:02 PM): and tell me if it's applicable
mr mOo237 (8:22:08 PM): since jen doesn't want to listen to me really
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:22:20 PM): It's not that, last night she just got a little caught up in her anger
mr mOo237 (8:22:33 PM): if you talk to "this person" tonight and they are doing okay, which really you should know already, don't hesitate to tell me
mr mOo237 (8:22:42 PM): the ONLY PERSON I will tell is megan
mr mOo237 (8:22:46 PM): i'll be honest with you
mr mOo237 (8:22:53 PM): we can't hide anything from each other...
mr mOo237 (8:23:05 PM): so if you ever tell megan something, i'll probably find out, and vice versa
mr mOo237 (8:23:06 PM): hehe
mr mOo237 (8:23:16 PM): at least i'm being honest with you about that
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:23:44 PM): Yea... well james i do trust you you know, some people just don't like their deepest secrets being told..
mr mOo237 (8:23:57 PM): yep
mr mOo237 (8:24:28 PM): and that brings me to my original statement about what a person knows is or isn't best for them...so yes
mr mOo237 (8:24:32 PM): I am going to go play games now
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:24:36 PM): okay dokay
mr mOo237 (8:24:37 PM): I hope you do the right thing
daannc HICK0 0 7 (8:24:41 PM): so do i

How did James handle himself? Fine.

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 09:25:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

In other news, Megan comes home today yayayayayayayayaya! I hope she comes home early so I can talk on the phone with her. Yeah I'm such a clingy little thing.

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 01:09:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I have a newfound talent, folks! I think it involves saying things that I'm fairly certain I mean, then watching them unravel as they are deciphered in ways I didn't originally intend them to be. So here I am on a beautiful sunday afternoon trying to heap all of this mess back together into a cohesive message I am trying to get across.

I've considered several angles to go at this. I could quote lots of things people have directly said in response to me, and combat and agree with certain points. I could submit to their opinions and do what they say, and conform myself to them. I think though, what would honestly be best, is for me to do the easiest thing- absolutely nothing. For once, I'm not going to defend my opinion, I'm not going to combat theirs on any level, I won't bring up what I'm thinking again and I'll just sit over here and do nothing. Anything I say simply creates friction and anger from those who are experiencing what I give my opinion about, because they don't understand where I am coming from. That's okay. I'm not needed. I won't complain about what everybody puts in their blogs, I won't even try to restate my opinion of WHY I brought it up. Nobody is approaching me with these problems for a reason. I'm cool. I have the perfect solution- retreat into Megan. She's there for me. I'll just keep what I'm thinking between her and I, like always. So yeah I'm not sorry for bringing my opinion to the surface, and once again James succeeds in conciously alienating himself from some people. They did it to me first.

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 01:08:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Man did you see that huge comment left in there? Yeah, I'll respond to that later tonight maybe. I just had a long AIM convo with Jen, but I don't think we got very far. hey I got an idea I'll just paste the whole thing in here instead of summarizing.

hyperpoptart1212: hey...i just put a comment on your blog I'd appreciate if you'd read
mr mOo237: mmkay sure
mr mOo237: i love getting comments
hyperpoptart1212: you might not love this one
mr mOo237: uh oes
mr mOo237: if it's really long, you can email me
mr mOo237: *reads*
hyperpoptart1212: yeah, but i wanted this one posted
mr mOo237: haha, the two choices you gave me were "say nothing and keep your opinions to yourself" or still say nothing and keep my opinins to myself, but understand more. nice options.
hyperpoptart1212: lol oops
hyperpoptart1212: well i meant if u didnt want to talk about it and realize that im not kidding
mr mOo237: I shall address this in the open
mr mOo237: since you put it out in the open in the comments thing
hyperpoptart1212: fair enough
mr mOo237: this is the strategic point where I SHOULD shut up but will end up probably sounding like an asshole...but maybe someday, somewhere, you'll see in hindsight what i'm saying and apologize to me later.
hyperpoptart1212: i do see what youre saying, im doing everything in my power to understand what you mean
hyperpoptart1212: but you refuse to listen to me
hyperpoptart1212: because i'd imagine i've said this before, and i nkow anna has
hyperpoptart1212: *know
mr mOo237: you're saying the same things over and over
hyperpoptart1212: yes i am
hyperpoptart1212: but u havent understood it in the past
hyperpoptart1212: i thought maybe if it was that explicitly written out, maybe you'd at least try to
mr mOo237: your idea of understand is "agree with your point of view"
hyperpoptart1212: so is yours
mr mOo237: not for me to understand and "for my own point of view"
hyperpoptart1212: no
mr mOo237: *form
hyperpoptart1212: i think you need to stop complaining about what i write in my blog
hyperpoptart1212: thats all i said
mr mOo237: haha
mr mOo237: i'm not allowed to say anything?
hyperpoptart1212: it was either shut up and keep it to yourself, or try to understand
hyperpoptart1212: because things arent going to change
mr mOo237: come now, when you get all wishy-washy and say "GUYS THERE IS SOMETHING SO HUGE GOING ON RIGHT NOW BUT I CANT SAY BUT ILL SAY THAT I CANT SAY"
hyperpoptart1212: you say things arent important, nothings "really" the matter w/anyone
hyperpoptart1212: i just dont understnad how u can think that
hyperpoptart1212: well u know what james?
mr mOo237: because you are too immersed in things
mr mOo237: i think..
mr mOo237: what?
mr mOo237: i'm an asshole?
hyperpoptart1212: if i had told someone what was going on a while before, and they found out, someoen wouldve *CENCSORIEDKEVIDYKEV
mr mOo237: i get that alot :-(
hyperpoptart1212: excuse me for not wanting that to happen
mr mOo237: yes that *CESDF* thing was handled immaturely
mr mOo237: and thus i couldn't take it serious
mr mOo237: THE COPS
mr mOo237: oh well
mr mOo237: i already know your counter it's okay.
hyperpoptart1212: yeah, that "*FCDSFK*thing" was partially "CENSORIEDKEVIDYKEVKEVINJOGB"
mr mOo237: yes yes i know dear
mr mOo237: and nobody was going to KEVIDY KEV KEV
hyperpoptart1212: i agree
mr mOo237: so there wasn't a problem
hyperpoptart1212: gah
hyperpoptart1212: u just wont listen
hyperpoptart1212: you never will
mr mOo237: i'm listening right now
mr mOo237: it's just when I do listen
mr mOo237: you don't like what i have to say
mr mOo237: heh
hyperpoptart1212: u have no f******** idea whats gon on lately, and when i try to say i can't explain, you decide that means its nothing!
mr mOo237: not that it's NOTHING
mr mOo237: but I highly doubt it's that big, i'm sorry.
hyperpoptart1212: there's nothing that evil and horrible going on in anybody's life right now,
mr mOo237: at least with people you are mentioning that immediately know
hyperpoptart1212: *rolls eyes*
mr mOo237: i'm sorry if I don't like to dabble in these emotions and feelings that I don't feel I need to
hyperpoptart1212: exactly! youve got to pick one james!
mr mOo237: you're too immersed in all of this
hyperpoptart1212: either stay out of it completely
mr mOo237: that's your problem
mr mOo237: I like to keep ties with people
mr mOo237: since it's not very easy for me to make ties with people
hyperpoptart1212: i like to keep ties w/people too
mr mOo237: it just sounds like you don't like what i have to say so you're trying to get me to shut up
hyperpoptart1212: isnt that what u told me to do? "i dont understand what ur blog is talking about, so u shouldnt say it"
hyperpoptart1212: that was the general idea
mr mOo237: yeah, not say it in a blog.
hyperpoptart1212: why?
hyperpoptart1212: its ur choice to read it
hyperpoptart1212: im not forcing you
mr mOo237: pointless...repetitive...forces me to form an opinion of what is going on that is not completely right since i only hear whispers...
hyperpoptart1212: exactly...if you're not really involved in something, you're not going to understant. thats not your fault, but u act like its ours
mr mOo237: i'm glad that you once tried to tell me everything, and I tried to give you my honest to god nice opinion of it all and you didn't like it :-(
mr mOo237: so it's not my fault but you can get mad at me
mr mOo237: haha
hyperpoptart1212: james, i told u far from everything, but from waht i do remember telling you, i listend to your oppinion
mr mOo237: yes yes we all keep secrets
hyperpoptart1212: i told u about jill and matt...where u said i deserved better, and guess what? i got out of that relationship!
hyperpoptart1212: tada!
mr mOo237: so why hold back from me?
hyperpoptart1212: because people have told me things they dont want spread around
hyperpoptart1212: and im not going to betray them
mr mOo237: then maybe you shouldn't inadvertantly spread it around by saying wishy-washy things in a blog
mr mOo237: write it in a journal
mr mOo237: or better yet
mr mOo237: talk with the person having problems!
hyperpoptart1212: i do!
hyperpoptart1212: but sometimes its just a really good way to vent in a way that lets people know that im not going to be in a great mood
hyperpoptart1212: b/c if i say absolutely nothing
hyperpoptart1212: and then act pissed off, which i cant always help
hyperpoptart1212: everyone gets mad at me for not saying anything
hyperpoptart1212: i did that for MONTHS
hyperpoptart1212: and then i got a blog
mr mOo237: I don't think I have
hyperpoptart1212: and w/most people, it calmed down
hyperpoptart1212: u havent
hyperpoptart1212: others have
mr mOo237: so maybe it's their problem not yours
hyperpoptart1212: but u complain now instead
hyperpoptart1212: well then maybe this is ur problem not mine too?
mr mOo237: i'm not really "complaining" as much as observing
hyperpoptart1212: i cant make everyone happy james
mr mOo237: in the grand scheme of things it all doesn't matter
hyperpoptart1212: but this is working best for me
hyperpoptart1212: so thats what im going to continue doing
mr mOo237: i'm sorry if i find some things you talk about rather lighthearted
hyperpoptart1212: yeah, well u generally find out the less serious ones and after the fact
hyperpoptart1212: i just wish u could realize that, and know that im not kidding around when i get really scared sometimes
mr mOo237: i don't mean to sound condescending, but you'll learn to see things from my point of view and not get so bent out over some things...
hyperpoptart1212: im not a little 5 year old who cries when they drop their dolly
mr mOo237: millions of teens feel exactally like you
hyperpoptart1212: and thats what it feels like ur saying
mr mOo237: always
hyperpoptart1212: i know
mr mOo237: you deserve better than to let all these things bog you down
hyperpoptart1212: not exactly something i can control
mr mOo237: i don't know where to go with this conversation
hyperpoptart1212: like i said, i've dropped as much of the nosyness as i could
hyperpoptart1212: but people tell me things, and im not about to defy them the chance to have someone listen
mr mOo237: i'm just inherently incompatible with all of you i'm fairly certain
mr mOo237: I didn't choose you all to be friends... i started dating megan then realized "hey these people are nice and i'd see them a lot with megan now so why not be friends" things are bound to not work out as well between you and I as, say, someone you decided to be friends with yourself over time
mr mOo237: i'm not saying the friendships i've made are BAD
mr mOo237: far from it
mr mOo237: it's just they aren't the handpicked, close ones I am used to
mr mOo237: and i'm going to run into incompatibility issues
hyperpoptart1212: im not trying to say that i dont want to be friends with you...its just that you have a tendancy to over express your oppinions at times. i mean, even tonight...u just decided that friends get into bad relationships
mr mOo237: i'm learning how to have certain friends jen
hyperpoptart1212: uv never even seen me and corey since we've been together
mr mOo237: they normally do
mr mOo237: i said you two were an exception
hyperpoptart1212: so i dont think its fair to be judged on a statistical basis
hyperpoptart1212: and if we werent in the chat, would u ahve made us the exception?
mr mOo237: probably
mr mOo237: because when i think "sweet" you and corey's names come up first
mr mOo237: least likely to hurt each other kinda thing
hyperpoptart1212: ok...well them im dropping that point
mr mOo237: heh
hyperpoptart1212: look, im sorry that blogs have been so bad that you feel that great of need to talk about them in urs...and i dont want to lose ur friendship. i just wanted you to know how i felt, because if i didnt tell u i'd end up like secretly mad at u and never get over it. so yeah...now im just worked up so im going to stop arguing b/c its going to make me look like a jerk b/c i'm starting to say things more out of anger than i should after i calm down
mr mOo237: pink floyd music helps that
hyperpoptart1212: lol

----- uh, what? yeah. Let me consider my current assets and I'll get back to you later. bleep ------

:: Floydthebarber 9/21/2003 12:12:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I hate leaving this blog on a "sad" note, so I figured now is as good of a time as any to post. Well wouldn't ya know it, it's past 5 am. Ah well. Tonight/today has rocked, ryan, ryan, nate, and nathan are over right now. We've played BattleField 1942 on lan, F-Zero GX, DDR, and I now have literally hundreds of MAME ROMs on my PC thanks to ryan :D SEXY REACTION! I think True Love and some wacky game pr0n was thrown in there for good measure. Things have settled down for the evening though, it's just myself and the glow of my monitor and keyboard. Very relaxing. Is it odd to thrive in the dark, resting one's eyes only on that which suits them, while everything else melts away? Maybe that's why I enjoy the dark, less things to conciously worry about. The subconcious is brought to the surface. Or maybe it's just dark.

Should James get some sleep? I guess I need to wake up eventually to play more games geez. Well I guess I'll do my HW left over from wednesday thanks to misses hurricane, and then host keopardy and help with trivia what what. I'm kinda tired I guess, here's to sleep!

Oh, and everybody posting sad stuff in their blogs... I don't know how theraputic you find it to post things like that on your blogs, mostly towards yourselves, but it shows. As an outsider/casual friend I usually don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about. If you have a problem get it out in the open, or keep it to yourself or whoever needs to know. In the middle is just torment for people on both sides of the fence. This might sound sort of harsh, but there's nothing that evil and horrible going on in anybody's life right now, I can rest fairly assured in this fact. Unless they are magicians and can cover something huge from me. In which case what does my opinion matter anyways if they feel so inclined to hide it from me? I often come off as a teenager who doesn't care, but it's more from the perspective of stepping away from the situation and analyzing it, instead of getting caught in a flurry of unneccessary emotions and fluster. I care, but perhaps not in the horribly sympathetic way you are looking for me to be. If it's genuine I will act like it. Most of the time friends have let me down in proving that what they claimed to be big was really big. They're just learning. We all have to hurt a little to learn. Or something.

Megan is somewhere in NY right now...yaya. I can't complain about not seeing her, since I spent all of thursday and most of friday with her thanks to the retarded cancellation of school. She'll enjoy the wedding. Or she'll enjoy the memories of the wedding 20 years from now. Ah well I'll see her what, tuesday? wednesday? Here's to hoping. Blaggardy la ta tee ta bloop!

:: Floydthebarber 9/20/2003 05:19:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Does James have time for a job? If he makes time for a job, he'll have to sacrifice a lot, timewise and mentally. Weekends are out of the question; I am doing something EVERY weekend, and what little free time I do have is sporatic and at weird intervals. I could pull off 2-3 hours a few weekdays a week. I guess. Everybody has felt like this before, or will. That stupid feeling of all the childhood things being gone and facing the facts that parents will make you be more self-supportive. I dunno about Philmont. I want to go, but is it really worth it? The trip is still vividly impressed in my mind, I would only go again to sort of relive the awesome experience. I guess this would be my last opportunity to go as a kid though. Next time I'd be 18. Does anybody know how frustrating this is? There are so many places in the world I haven't been, that all my friends have been to, and flaunt that in my face either inadvertantly or directly nearly daily, and I'm constantly fighting off the urge to yell back and try to make them understand how their sad stories don't hold shit compared to me. So I have two choices- a) get a job and pay for philmont or b) get a job and pay for other things. Does it sound bad that I would opt for option b right now? That's the question I am struggling with, and have little time to struggle over. Dad is sending out some fat checks tomorrow. I hate doing things first in my group of friends. I'll work. But what for...

:: Floydthebarber 9/14/2003 12:33:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

posting song lyrics in blogs is the most annoying, angsty, and pointless thing one can do. That being said, please download the acoustic version of Radiohead's Creep. I like singing it and it makes me shudder two times at two specific points nearly ever time I hear the song.

When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,

but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.

:: Floydthebarber 9/14/2003 12:44:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I have no idea why I'm blogging, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm just sitting here waiting for a) battle royale to finish encoding and burning and b) waiting for Ryan, Nate, and Nathan to arrive. Hooray for me. I finally take F-Zero GX on an extensive test-run tonight, so expect impressions or mindless gamer ramblings in the future. Also on the schedule is DDR and BATTLE ROYALE! Muah ha. San Tropez is such an awesome Pink Floyd song. I think tonight I'm going to go DDR-Pajama style on yo ass. Maybe Saturday too! Mmm nescafe. Do these blog entries sound like the brainless ramblings of a man slightly on the loony side of the fence? Who knows. Apparently Megan prefers to be perched on said fence. I like to roll myself up in the barbed wire. Whatever. Words are falling oh no! Maybe if I keep spewing, the pen will continue scrawling in my blog and travel over floors, chairs, legs, and hands over to hers where it'll pick up where it left off.

Hey look a billion Mega Man classics are coming to Gamecube in Febrary. Hooray! Hey just quit flapping for a second and start listening! I'll give you chores to do James. Bye.

:: Floydthebarber 9/12/2003 05:11:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Today has been quite interesting. School homework fluctuates entirely too much, with some days piled sky high with things to do and others such as today having practically nothing to do. I went to the mall with Mom, Tommy, and Alex in search of a watch. The one I bought is a Berenger stainless steel sexy son of a bitch, with a blue, sleek face for only 50 bucks. I can't go into too much more detail, but I entered a nearby store and found the perfect gift for megan, and at the perfect price too. Does a guy really need a holiday or excuse to give his girl a present? I didn't think so. After all of this I sauntered into EBgames, where I had a nice little discussion about the Nokia N-Gage with the dude working there. Interesting. If Nokia markets this right, which it seems like they are, it could prove to be some competition to the far superior GBA. I dunno, let's not get James all riled up on videogame talk. All I want to do is play gamecube and gameboy advance, then write some n-philes stuff. Oh and DDR.

I dunno what's going to happen this weekend, for the first time in a while. I think tomorrow Megan is doing some school project at a friend's hizzouse all night, and i've gotten back on my parent's good side. That means friends ovar hardy har har. I shall beat wind waker, god dammit. Also I think I will have a heart attack from caffeine and F-Zero, a deadly combination. Some soccer at 1 pm sunday, then maybe dinner at Megan's if I finish mes devoirs? I'm tired of rambling. I'll post again when I think of something to say.

PS people that comment are a million times cooler than people who don't! You want to be cool! And rule! So comment in my blog! Act a foo! shut the fuck up you retarted white kid, let the children fly around on the grass like radio flyers in the pasture green field and rivers and sprouting petals misty with posts of barbed wire pickery prick blood gushing from the convict's stomach!

:: Floydthebarber 9/11/2003 10:05:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I love school assignments. I had to rewrite a fable. This case is The Lion, the Fox, and the Ass.

One sweltering hot day in the middle of a Platinum Rap Record Convention, three rappers decided they were getting hungry. Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, and MC Hammer left the convention through the back alley by throwing gobs of money at the security guard’s faces, and slipped into a sleek, black limo. They proceeded to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken establishment, where they ordered a 12 piece family combo for them to share. Snoop says to Dr. Dre, “Yo dawg, how about you split up the chicken?” Dr. Dre proceeded to divide the chicken, giving each of the three an equal share of four pieces. Snoop Dogg bursts into a fit of rage at this, and shoots Dr. Dre 16 times in the chest with his Glock. Snoop blows the smoke away from the end of his gun and shoves is back underneath his belt, then asks MC Hammer to divide up the chicken. Hammer piled all of the chicken up for Snoop Dogg, leaving himself just one piece. Snoop turns to MC Hammer and shouts, “What brother tough you, my brother, how to wheel and deal chicken like that?” To this he replies, “I picked it up from Dr. Dre, by seeing with my own eyes how you capped him after he didn’t give you enough.”

Alive is the black man who learns to share more fried chicken to those with Glocks.

:: Floydthebarber 9/08/2003 04:03:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Andrew WK's new album is the greatest thing ever. Here is a quote regarding his last album "Whatever you do in life, if you go full bore you're bound to get wet--with blood, sweat, urine, semen or girls' lubricant. This record is about cutting in to the heart of existence and getting wet... " muah ha. I shall proclaim my love at a later time when I'm not so tired. g'night.

:: Floydthebarber 9/07/2003 10:28:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Okay, so I had this dream and I can only remember bits and pieces of it. I went over to somebody's house and it was really dark and messy but I remember there were some bunk beds. I can't remember if Michael Jackson was there or if he was just on the poster, but somehow whoever owned the bunk beds had a huge 3 foot by 6 foot poster of the cover of the MJ album "bad" (I think this stems from being horrified from seeing it on SB's music channel on TV last night). Anyways, this person rolled up this giant poster for me, and then they gave me a WACOM cintiq, the monitor that allows you to write on it, except the screen was really small but in my dream I figured I could sell it on ebay. So then I come home with this poster and WACOM thing and 12 people greet me and I wrap myself in the poster and roll down a hill because it was funny and I'm an immature moron and then my dream shifted and I can't remember a fucking thing. O_o

:: Floydthebarber 9/07/2003 12:21:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I would stop I would stop writing in my blog but i'm too busy thinking to not. Sitting here feels right, stuck with Nilla wafers, trust my hunger to burst. Keys slip forward, fingers go backwards, and neither presses for a feat. paper staring contests with blank, intensive eyes. Strings of piercing money rip my shirt and fall. Was that bunny dust? Babies crawling out of cribs, fighting for their lives on staircases. Up the staircase down the staircase, tumble tomble tumble bomble. Tickity tock why must it all be fluent and yet contrasting. Bring the noise through filtered discs of slashing reflection friction arsenic parsley falling down. Why don't I just wrap myself in plastic and fold the pages of my book shut so the guitar can softly flutter bye into silent reflection on hissing and popping of the not-so-empty world around me.

:: Floydthebarber 9/05/2003 11:41:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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I write poetry because I am a homosexual.

Overhead I hear the pleas
of power lines on a salty breeze
The sunlight pours in scattered slits
Through swooping trees under which I sit

A noisy boat in stark contrast
to lapping waves beneath its mast
I wish these people would pause and see
their reflections drifting in the sea

Strands of blond float over my face
the waves break in an even pace
God's hand swoops down a mighty rush
gently moulding each tree and bush

The secrets which the ocean holds
Are hidden 'neath burned flesh in folds
In sunken eyes and scratchy beards
Of ones who know no place but here

But if you can evoke a "hi"
He'll stretch and creak his joints and sigh
And take you on as new first mate
Then hook you on his line as bait

Don't blubber quite so frantically
Within your reach the dubloons be
That dwell inside inky black caves
No breath of life beneath the waves

And when he reels back in his line
He'll find an orb suspended in time
That plucks itself right off the hook
Then follows the path it originally took

Now joined by scoundrels, soul ripped out
There's nowhere fit to cry and shout
Except with seadogs and things that creep
Far far beneath the briny deep.

:: Floydthebarber 9/02/2003 10:34:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Hey I don't have a lot of time to update, I have lots of stuff to do. Actually I only have one thing to do and about 30 I am procrastinating on, but nevermind that. I'm gonna give a short shakedown. You want to know what's up? HERE YOU GO!

• Katie and Dave broke up
  
• Jen and Matt broke up
  
• Megan and I are the only real couple in this "group" of friends. I'm sure if you know either of you you can note the blissful irony in this.
  
• I've joined Alpha Beta and Photography club in an attempt to keep my parents off my back, entertain myself, and beef up that resume. Photography club will rock *insert some fancy adjective synonym for big here*
  
• School is hectic, but I'm starting to get a grip on everything (except for a few things in English, but no problem. I just have to plan a bit more)
  
• I am in dire needs of regaining time to do Nintendophiles things. I need to start obligating myself to the wake up early schedule and having a better work ethic to actually make things happen.
  
• Parents are bothering me to get a job. I think my current plan of all As in school/joining 2 clubs/soccer/Eagle is working good in delaying this idea.
  
• I have been in bliss for almost 7 months now.
  

Did I miss anything? I'm terribly sorry but I must be going. So long, king bowsahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

:: Floydthebarber 9/02/2003 08:45:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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