:: Thursday, July 31, 2003 ::

Jesus what is there I can possibly type at a time like this... the blood is racing faster than hell and sweeping me off my feet and my mind into another world. This is the best i've felt in my entire life, and its just not ending, its getting better. Somebody is really looking after me right now... I'm not going to ask questions I'm just going to thank everybody and everything and keep moving on. I'm not going to detail anything in a public blog, but I've never had a better night with anybody in my entire life. We ate dinner at the Kabuki, then went home and lost ourselves in each other for hours in her room... pure and complete bliss. I have made a few mental notes to myself and not for you.

Apparently, Sharp asked a FEMALE to go with him to Cedar Point, and she accepted! Her name is Jill, and she's older than sharp and (supposedly) hotter than Megan. After tonight, I can rest assured that his attractiveness comment on Jill is completely false, but I'm still really happy for him. Maybe they'll hold hands lollers! Or share some cotton candy or something lol who knows. Best of luck to him.

Tomorrow is Megan's birthday! She'll be 15 wut wut. I have to go to my grandma's 65 birthday bash, and she's gonna spend the day at Jen's working with Jill on Jill's costume. If only I was cosplaying at her party on saturday. Oh well. I shall bring DDR, and it shall be fun. and cake cones *raises eyebrow* well I saw the beta ones and they looked good, I'll probably go over early and help Megan make them. One so that I can spend more time with her, and two so that I keep myself occupied. Hee haw! I need to wake up tomorrow and do internet things. Hee haw! Billeh is a f4gg0t. HEE HAW!

:: Floydthebarber 7/31/2003 11:19:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Best day ever. I love this girl entirely too much for my own good, and I don't ever want it any other way. Things can and are only getting better between us, I'm having the time of my life and I never even could have conceived this much happiness in my life if you had asked me a year or so ago. Love love love love. I know I bore most of my online friends with this talk, I apologize. I can still taste her kisses, and my lips still feel as if they're pressed against hers and my tongue feels like it should be gently probing into her mouth... and once again I am now shuddering thinking of such bliss.

Should I talk about something nerdy and uh not-outide of my life to appease the other group of friends? Uh I honestly got nothing, I hope to wake up and post some news on n-philes tomorrow to sort of uh prove I'm not completely worthless. I'm also gonna play SMS tomorrow and see if I can come up with a comment about it for a super secret project article going on, or something. So uh yeah bye.

:: Floydthebarber 7/30/2003 12:46:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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First she thinks about it and changes her mind, and now she's going to do it for real. Except this time its completely permanent and final. Christina told me on the phone today from NY that she intends on being adopted by her grandparents, and going to high school there and college and basically start her life anew with everything she's always wanted. A really nice school, supportive "regular" family, new friends, new places, fresh and exciting...not here in NC. I am having an inner battle with myself, I know what is completely right for her and what she should do for HER, but that doesn't mean the caring half of me can't bitch and cry and be upset. I guess it really does suck down here in NC for her, enough so that what I thought was a close friendship with me and her friendship with Carmen, pretty much all she has, aren't enough to keep her here. I honestly think part of it, somewhere down inside her, is the fact that I am dating and completely happy with megan, and our relationship now has a wall on it that she can't cross. I figured there was LOTS OF SPACE on that half of the wall, the friendship half, but I guess not. She started crying on the phone and I was trying to coherently place the pieces together. Then it horrified me. I wasn't crying. I was casualy accepting this news, and speaking the truth that she deserves more than is offered down here and for her to not let just one friendship drag her down from how she is going to live her life, especially if we aren't intimately involved.

I think part of the reason shit. It just hit me. Just now. The tears, right here in mid sentence they've started streaming and I really don't know why. I guess I do and its simple. I love christina so much and she's always there for me and helps me through so much emotionally and she won't be here for that. And honestly sometimes Megan can't be responsive enough to help me I have to end up helping myself through things. I will have absoloutely nobody close to turn to at school. Its nearly impossible for me to make friends at school which is incredibly depressing. Most people have all their friends in school and not so many out, its completely opposite for me.

Why am I severing ties with practically the closest person to me? Because of a concious decision of her which makes me saddest of all. But she said her family is planning on moving up there ANYWAYS, and if she is going to leave ANYWAYS, I guess its right for her to get it over with now before we become closer friends. God how horrible does that sounds. How awful.

Christina was my other half when i'm at school that might sound weird. It was like.....she was the hope and everything I needed to get through the week or days to see Megan and now I won't have that. And I wont' get it back with anybody else because of the way things are at school.

Christina doesn't realize how much its hurting me for her to leave and she has taken the attitude of "you can be angry or sad or whatever, but I'm going so I hope we leave on a good note" I can't sit there and smile with my heart because its not right in my heart. Logically its right but I have never been one to follow logic when not necessary. TUesday will be one of the worst days of my life. I won't ever look into her eyes or laugh with her or be able to talk in person with her about anything which hurts so much. so much... I'm sure I'll move on but I'm still allowed to cry and be upset and wonder what is going to happen next thank God seriously thank you God for the love Megan and I share without it I'd be so lost and failing and confused and unhappy.

:: Floydthebarber 7/28/2003 10:58:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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To fuse art with motion. That had been Kurt's goal for over seven months now, ever since he had become obsessed with the machine nestled in the dark corner of his local bowling alley. Just like with an Escher sketch or any other piece of art, Kurt had honed his skills of placing each piece of the puzzle in place perfectly, to achieve a complete awe and beauty for people to marvel at. He was an unlickely candidate. Declining weight mismatched with an overly tall body created a lanky appearance. Layered mashes of hair that had at one point been brilliantly blond, but now darkneed by his life's hardshiips and stained by the sweat of his trade fell around his head and drifted slightly in front of his eyes; for somebody who seemingly completely neglected their hair, it was awfully weird of him to enjoy those messy bangs in front of his eyes all of the time. As he did before every song, he quickly and carelessly ran his thin fingers underneath his bangs, up and over to the back of his neck with a sort of contorted, scrunched, mental cleansing expression coating his face in the process. Both hands dropped; the left lazily to his side and the right wrapping its fingers around the hollow, tape-covered red pole behind him. Kurt had never taken ballet a day in his life, nor seen a recital or anything of the sort, and yet his warm up routine had his left foot held out with toes pointed out, a slight bend from the opposing knee, then the goofy process repeated with the other leg up. Both peace-sign converse shoes planted themselves lightly yet confidently on the spaces they belonged for it all to begin; he knew his art well and the initial left-up pattern was already established. A hefty sigh rose up from beneath his Super Mario Bros. shirt and out from between his puffed cheeks. A quick mash of the blinking yellow light with his left fist, and the world froze except for him, the machine, and the fusion between instruction and seamless execution that followed.

I got a new journal. It's called There and Back Again. I hope you understand that reference. I'm seeking a certain refuge in it, and am increasingly interested in what will come of it all. I also bought a book of short stories by HC Lovecraft at Barnes and Nobles today, even though I still have to read Siddhartha (before school starts), Net Force, and Red Dragon. These are short macabre stories though so we'll see what happens. I'd love you to love me... I'm begging you to beg me...

:: Floydthebarber 7/26/2003 12:17:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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Anna is the coolest blogger ever, notice those comments things at the end of each post? She led me to them! Since I'm a bored loser who will no doubt refresh his page daily to see if there are comments, you had better comment so I don't feel lonely! Or else!

:: Floydthebarber 7/25/2003 01:07:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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So here I am, finding myself blogging what seems to be a record number of entries in a week. Maybe its the soft glowing blue light emanating from beneath my cool, stiff fingers. I've exercised the hell out of my legs and feet in the past 24 hours, and sort of neglected my hands. Poor hands. Oh, it appears I'm rambling again, how about I just get to the whole point of this blog update.

Christina called me from New York tonight. You can already tell where this conversation is going to lead, can't you? Well you can if you are me, and have to juggle the emotions of two girls who aren't particularly fond for each other. She called because she is extremely lonely as the only kid up at her grandparent's house, so naturally she was really glad to just ramble on for the longest time to me about everything in life. How she's doing in New York, what she's been up to, what Megan and I have been up to, and then the obligatory connection between her and Megan. I am trying so hard to make it crystal clear to everybody, and I don't know how well it comes off on either side. Quite simply, neither Megan nor Christina like each other. However unfortunate that may be to me, I can life with it as long as the facts are straight. Christina knows we are just friends, thats what her and I want, and she loves me so much that she has the overpowering feeling of wanting me to be as happy as possible with Megan. Sometimes that leads to uncomfortable discussions about Christina's own insecurities, but that's not what it was about tonight. It was a celebration from one friend to another of their happiness and me trying to share some of my happiness with Christina and make her day that much better. I think Megan understands now, but I kept feeling this giant force of jealously and anger forcing itself out to me in the shrouded, quiet way she always mentions things like that. I can't exactally blame her for anything; If I was in her shoes, all I would be seeing is me talking on the phone ignoring her, and whats more with a girl whom the last impression she has of her is that of her and I being intimately interested in each other. Its not like that now, Christina and I have realized the kind of close friendship love we have for each other, and I have discovered my intimate, passionate love for Megan, for whom i've never felt that way so strongly and truly towards before. They don't have to get along if they don't like each other's personalities, but for my sake don't bottle up what you're thinking especially if its not really true and out of date. A lot has changed since the best day of my life on February 14th of this year. I'm damned and determined to keep ties with the old world while blazing a trail for the new.

So there. That's my rant. Hopefully the last time I'll have to explain that to myself or outloud to everybody. I can make it to Sunday, God please give me the inner strength to Sunday....



All 16 beautiful and wonderful kisses, all for me and me alone forever and ever....and ever.......and ev....

:: Floydthebarber 7/25/2003 12:43:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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well I survived teh party, and its actually still going on technically; David, Nate, and Ryan H are still here DDRing and such. My Red Octane pad is pretty broken in, and if it hadn't been for my retardedness corrupting our DDR save this morning we'd have even more songs unlocked. Oh well, it won't take that long to get them back. I can get a C on MAX 300 light, and almost pass on standard, so rock on! I think everybody had lots of fun last night, and I'm thankful for everybody that came. I wasn't expecting so many presents! I now have around $180, $20 best buy certificate, pocky, an old school mario t-shirt, a Joyride Link action figure, AOL CDs, and of course megan's personal gift to me.... which wasn't exactally what I expected, and I'm glad. Its the most touching thing anybody's ever given to me, the way I can express my gratitude and love is incomprehensible in a blog. I hope Megan likes my gift for her just as much. So yes, we drank over 70 cans of soda, a pot of coffee, and about 45 pixy stix, so I'd call everything a success. Its depressing how we only have 2 and a half weeks in summer to live up before school starts! ack.

In other nerd news, I got my C drive all fixed up and repartitioned together so now I only have a fresh installation of Windows XP on my C drive and all my files on the D drive. Hee haw. The cable guy (LOLMOVIEOMG) said that our internet signal is fine, and that we need to exchange our modem. Hooray for an outing idea for tomorrow. Hopefully then I can finish up downloading all these cowboy bebop episodes. Once I get that stupid $700 or so saved up for Philmont, I can start thinking of getting a new computer. I'm in love with my elumiX keyboard by the way, it'll get a full testing on saturday night when I host Keopardy and Trivia for N-Philes. Much fun! I'll start thinking up questions tonight and tomorrow night, so hopefully I'll only have to prep for keopardy on saturday, which is relatively easy.

So yes, I'm on a complete caffeine recovery buzz, and I'm sort of done coherently typing for the day. Unless of course Ethan and I catch up to each other and I get crackin' on news. So yeah buh bye!

:: Floydthebarber 7/24/2003 04:40:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Anjiru18: and no, it's not a stopwatch that brings trains of pocky.

Dammit,well if it's not a stopwatch that makes a giant freight train full of tons of pocky fall from the sky, then what the hell is it?!?!? I shall find out in about 13 hours though, literally. We're going to the pool tomorrow with Jen and Matt and a whole bunch of people. I still wonder if all those folks know how to get to my hizzouse I assume so. Lots and lots of planning and gearing up hee haw! I am going to die of several DDR heart attacks which will be followed by mass consumption of bawls.

ALICE IS HAWT

ROCK THE CASBAH

SHARP I YOU ARE MY BESTEST FRIEND ONLINE EVER AND EVER FOR GIVING ME THAT E3 STUFF. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES GOOD SIR! If only everybody I knew in real life was as 1337 as j00.

:: Floydthebarber 7/21/2003 11:35:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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[00:20:12] Floydthebarber> hahaha sharp
[00:20:15] Floydthebarber> i just rememeberd
[00:20:19] Floydthebarber> the best thing that happened today
[00:20:26] Floydthebarber> You listening?
[00:21:18] Sharparoni> no
[00:21:19] Floydthebarber> Okay we were at funwerks (the putt putt, go kart, DDR Extreme place), and I got in line for a soda at the register.
[00:21:25] Sharparoni> HAHAHAHHAH
[00:21:32] Sharparoni> oh
[00:21:32] Floydthebarber> and my friends were about 6 feet behind me in a huddle
[00:21:40] Floydthebarber> then we noticed a 10 dollar bill on the ground
[00:21:53] Floydthebarber> but right then, a group of like 12 5 or 6 year olds goes running between us all
[00:21:54] Sharparoni> lol hoep u got 10 bux
[00:21:57] Floydthebarber> and a little kid picks up the 10 bucks
[00:22:04] Floydthebarber> and then i reach over his head and take it out of his hand
[00:22:09] Sharparoni> hahaha
[00:22:11] Floydthebarber> and he looks up at me and gets all mad
[00:22:16] Floydthebarber> except i'm like 3 feet taller than him
[00:22:19] Floydthebarber> so he just ran away
[00:22:24] Elzie_Ann> haha
[00:24:37] Elzie_Ann> Sure, sure. You can justify it all you like but you still ruined that kid's day, possibly week
[00:24:56] Elzie_Ann> He's probably never held a 10 dollar bill in his life and you took that away from him. Dream Crusher
[00:25:07] Sharparoni> they call little mac mr. dream crusher

:: Floydthebarber 7/21/2003 12:37:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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What the freakin' crap, since when did Anna and Jen and Corey get blogs? Well at least Jen and Anna. Thanks for telling me guys! Hehe well I've taken the liberty and adding you all to my "friends" links down there that seem to be lacking a bit. So yes. God, I read Jen's blog and I am royally confused. I know I shouldn't go dabbling in other people's buisness, I'll just get the cold shoulder from her which is probably the best. I just hope she doesn't get THAT attitude if I ever ask her about it. You know, the attitude that follows the lines of "oh trust me, you DON'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW THIS you can't handle it leave it to close friends, an outside third party would never ever help the situtation we'll just talk about it in front of you a lot blah blah blah" you know, the first thing that comes to mind is whatever the hell is going on with this SB girl. Or friends I sorta-kinda know and I hear whispers of suicide?!?! And they expect me to just sit here. God dammit you children. But whatever. If people don't want me to talk with them, I'm not gonna impose myself they are just missing out I guess. I can take it easy, its my profession.

I'm going to ramble on about my birthday for a few seconds, bear with me. Right now the people attenting looks to be Jen, Matt, Dave, Katie, Anna, Megan, Ryan T, Ryan H, Nathan, Nate, Phil, and David. That's 12. April, Christina, Jill, and Corey will all be gone :( Very sad indeed but not wholly unexpected. So for all of you looking for a cheap substitution or supplement to my birthday list, I got it. AOL CDs!!!!!!. I need approximately 546 to finish up my room, and that translates to needing lots of help from YOU all. I know I can count on you! Just grab handfulls from store displays don't be shy, I really need those CDs. My old passion for finishing this project up has been rekindled, and you all each bringing 20 CDs or so would help immensely. Thank you Thank you Thank you! See you all wednesday at around 5ish yaya. Some of you that would normally just sit around until five ANYWAYS are welcome to come by early I'm pretty sure, just do me a favor and informing me of this decision beforehand. hehe.

Is there anything left for me to ramble about. OH YES, teh partay I went to tonight. I'm getting the feeling that the subconcious purpose of this paragraph is to assure my girlfriend and everybody else that we didn't have some sort of wild orgy or something. I don't think you all understand. I've been friends with Ron and Sam (Veronica and Samantha) for a long time, and nothing will ever ever ever happen between us. There was also about a dozen of us kids there, so it wasn't like we were running off doing god knows what your imaginations are flaunting in your minds. we just drank a lot of soda and ate some food, played a little DDR, and watched our parents get drunk and start playing Jimmy Buffet really horribly on the acoustic guitar while Eric's mom "danced" in a drunken daze like we are accustomed to on new years....yeah you get the point. So uh anyways I get to see megan in about *looks at watch* holy crap, 12 hours! I could be a moron and not sleep through any of that from severe anticipation, but I should do myself a favor and get offline. Remind me to email Jared Siegel a letter sometime soon. Also, to wear my hat tomorrow. Just mention THE HAT I'll understand.

:: Floydthebarber 7/20/2003 02:37:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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Its currently 5:10 in the morning, I must be suffering from a pretty bad stint of insomnia. Maybe I'm worrying about Megan too much. Well maybe not too much, just worrying in general. I wish I had something interesting to post or say, but I'm hungry and not tired my god what is wrong with me right now. I'm gonna be worthless tomorrow then again tomorrow or today or whatever the fuck will be worthless since I won't see any friends and the internet is being mostly shit. Bitch Bitch Bitch. I miss being in megan's arms...feeling her breath against my cheek... instead i'm sitting her on a rock hard solid wooden dining room chair staring at a low radiation monitor wondering what to do with my life. I could sure use that ElumiX keyboard to ease the eyestrain. Expect me to stay up this late all night after the 23rd just to stare at and use my keyboard. Which I'm pretty sure I'm getting....hehe. I have that horrible song Floyd The Barber by Nirvana in my head, but I'm too lazy to load it into winamp. How sad is that? ack wow I just rubbed my eyes for the first time tonight, maybe I can sleep in agony over megan now! I bet tommy will wake me up tomorrow before noon, the jerk. Also I haven't showered since before I went skating with Megan and everybody, so that's about 40 hours ago. I probably won't shower or shave today either because I don't have to and I'm lazy as hell. Why am i proclaiming this on the internet? BECAUSE I CAN AND AI-AI WILL. If I keep making video game references in my normal speech, it'll get me beat up one day I swear. Everybody is always saying one day i'll get beaten up for what I say. It hasn't happened. When it does I'll shut up how's that for a deal? I could go listen to The Doors on vinyl upstairs, that'd make me sleepy I bet. So would staring at my bebop wallscroll or the black light reflecting off my CDs on my celing. Although it won't be reflecting for long. Its stupid how in a few minutes i'd normally be getting up for school. There's only like 3 weeks of vacation left, how sad is that? I better live it up party hard 420 no tomorrow knock over trash cans wut wut.

This is fucking rediculous. 5:20. I beat everybody! Hooray I am such a nerd! I could be an even bigger nerd and not sleep at all, I could go for a record of being online... let's see right now the counter is literally at about 9 hours. My god. Not to mention I was on for about 2 hours before that. No no, I'm not addicted! I'm just seizing the opportunity, I can quit at anytime. Just give me something more interesting to do and I'm all for it. hah oh whoops I have those 2 1/2 books to read before going back to school. I should take two days out of my time and knock those out. Yeah. If anybody wants to go nerd and talk Lord of the Flies with me, please do I loved that book to death and can't wait to pwnz0r all the stupid kids at my school in discussion about it. "OH THIS BOOK IS ABOUT KIDS LERNING TO LIVE BY DEMSELFS AND HOW HUMANS ARE BAD INSIDE LIKE FLIES" I can see the retardedness now. Good thing I got an awesome casebook edition. I think Casebook means "kick ass" but it also includes interviews and essays on the book to help me understand or see things in a different angle. I'm a little into Anthem, and the whole "we" thing is getting annoying but whatever. Then siddhartha. that'll take one night. then the Apology. that'll take one hour. Rock! Holy shit, my brother Alex just woke up to go to school, this is indeed a freaky night. I shall leave you all with more really fucked up lyrics!

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He makes me down to lie
Through pastures green He leadeth me the silent waters by.
With bright knives He releaseth my soul.
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places.
He converteth me to lamb cutlets,
For lo, He hath great power, and great hunger.
When cometh the day we lowly ones,
Through quiet reflection, and great dedication
Master the art of karate,
Lo, we shall rise up,
And then we'll make the bugger's eyes water.

:: Floydthebarber 7/18/2003 05:33:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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I'm seeing a new trend in late-night posting, so I thought I'd join in the slow motion mayhem. Its been a long time since I sat back and just.... typed as if my brain was running unformatted. So that's what I'll do. Or at least try to do; after eating all these pepperonis I found hiding in the fridge the keys on this keyboard are slippery. Oh that reminds me, two boxes from ThinkGeek arrived today, my assumptions are a case o' bawls and an elumiX keyboard. But I'll have to wait four days and 21 hours or something to find out. Actually, I'll probably open them sometime in the afternoon on the 23rd, so about four days and 35 hours. wait, that adds another day. So uh.... five days aaaaand wait 35-24 is 11 so five days and eleven hours from now I should have my awesome thinkgeek stuff. hee haw.

I sent out an invitation e-mail today, and I screwed up and had to send follow up e-mails approximately two times. I forgot to tell people the party is actually on my birthday, the 23rd (wednesday) how stupid am I? So yeah it looks like there will be around 12 people instead of 20 since lots of people will be gone :sad: but I'll just have to make the best of it. As long as I get DDR, I'll be happy. And if I don't, I'll be unhappy for a short while, until I use the money I'm no doubt getting from people to buy it myself. There's so much I could do online if i had a credit card, its a dangerously tantilizing thought. For instance, this gamesfly or gamefly.com I could get a free 10 day trial of renting two games or so. That's like two blockbuster rentals free, minus driving all the way to blockbuster and plus an awesome selection since its the beautiful INTERNET. Pink Floyd does wonders to your brain at 3 am.... I'm feeling light and awake oh that's just the mountain dew and french vanilla ice cream with french vanilla cafe Nescafe syrup on top I had.... jitter jitter.

Megan is sick ;_; she was a little under the weather when I saw her a day and a half or so ago, but now apparently she's sneezing and coughing lots. I was going to try and cheer myself up tomorrow by going skating with Jen, Matt, and others, but I won't have a ride there so I can't go to that. Poor me, I'll just have to sit home and play games and surf the internet all day. Actually until about 1 pm I plan on sleeping, so I'll just wait until this time tomorrow to repeat this process. I probably would have gone to sleep by now, but the internet is being really shitty and disconnecting so every 10 minutes I can't get my bit torrents or DC++ connections up and running to leave on all night. blech.

Somebody buy me a guitar for christmas, I really want to learn how to play and music is pretty much the only forum of artistic expression (other than slightly writing) I have yet to exploit. The problem with writing is Megan is really great at it, so I'd always be in her shadow. So yeah. Guitar. and no i'm not gonna load my winamp guitar list with JLC and Cake and stuff. I bet I could use 10 bucks from my birthday money to register for the SomethingAwful forums, now wouldn't that be cool. Actually that'd suck, because I'd become really active in that community when I should, if anything, be more focused in the N-Philes community since I'm already immersed in that. Everbody stop by the chatroom on irc.mircx.com #n-philes plskthx. There, I did my public service announcement for the night. Or the morning. Or whatever. God I'm proud of that camel, i found a really cool site with good photoshop tutorials on it so tomorrow I think I'll try out some of those. I would do some serious database overhauling at n-philes, but like I said my internet is being shit so I can't work on that. I got stats up and running, but there are a few mysterious errors dealing with people that chat a lot not showing up in certain areas they should.... I'll crack right down on it and have em' fixed fast now that I have supar 1337 FTP access to whip up changes like that. I talked with ethan about my urge to write, but he just brushed me off -_- he's always busy. I think I'll exploit my talents on other sites. That would be hilarious if the cow pasture became really popular.

I love the feeling when I put my headphones on, and I have to pull out my hair that got smushed between the headphones and my ears with my fingers. It's cool. And Megan's kisses are the most overpowering sensations I've ever felt, I'm counting the days until she gets better so I can experience that again. She won't be well by tomorrow, and saturday is the gaddi's pig pickin' so it'll have to be sunday. Let's cross our fingers. This whole Waiting-several-days-to-see-my-girlfriend buisness is stupid, especially since this is SUMMER BREAK and I live FIVE MILES from her. *sigh* I'm such an obsessive thing. I called myself a thing. Been talking with megan too much. Or maybe not enough. I think all henshins are a go-go for her present(s), can't wait to see her reaction. For all she talks about her present to me, I keep my ideas under pretty heavy wraps. I hate this ceiling fan. If I was wearing pajama pants I wouldn't feel the wind, but this hawaiian shirt isn't cutting it and i'm shivering slightly. And all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be... Sorry, I got caught up in my awesome Pink Floyd music I mentioned earlier. How much more do I have to type? I don' t know, how much longer will my brain sit here idling in the darkness reveling in it, yet unable to seize the opportunity and sleep? Why doesn't my black light light bulb ever burn out? I should play burnout 2, that was pretty fun over at Ryan H's a few weeks ago. We played DDR there..... *sniff* DDR MAX PLEASE COME TO ME. As long as it doesn't come on me. What the hell am I talking about? I blame the music!

I keep having thoughts about how my eating, sleeping, and exercise habits will come back to me later and life and royally fuck me up. I drink entirely too much soda, literally 3 or more cans worth a day, and especially on summer break, don't eat real meals, especially at the right times. I'm always cramming myself with junk food, hence the pepperonis and ice cream I've had tonight, and If I didn' t have such a magical metabolism, I'd be so incredibly fat I'd hate myself entirely too much. I think that's why I'm not fat, I would hate myself too much for letting myself do that to me. I hate self-inflicted or concious pain, like saying "okay, stab this needle in me" hurts a million times more than somebody actually just doing it without announcing their intention to me. My sleeping habits are all fucked up, and I fear this will even continue well throughout the school year. They make us get up ENTIRELY too early, catching a bus at 6:30 am is fucking ridiculous. Oh well, by next june I should have my license, and will be able to drive myself to school my entire Junior and Senior year. I'll still have to get up at around 7... I guess I can live with that. So yes, this next year shall be filled with lots and lots of caffeine, and more fucking up of my internal clock and being entirely too harsh on my body. I don't exercise regularly, sporatic things like the AT don't help overall. I got an idea... I could take this time I waste at night and go running around the block... the dark is better for my eyes anyways, and its not as hot and who knows what creepy or mysterious things I'll run into. Megan hates the dark and things like that, but for some reason I revel in it. Perhaps since my life is pretty mundane, the dark is the last real mystery or shrouding factor easily accessible every day. or night. those ThinkGeek boxes are pretty shrouding...hmm....

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun... I hope that doens't happen to me. I think falling in love with Megan has given me a head start on that gun. Is it stupid to think of things like marriage and kids? what about college and all that good stuff that comes before that? I suppose I'm sort of weird for wanting that cookie-cutter lifestyle, growing up, high school, college, marriage, job, kids, retirement. I want those experiences but I also want to be a free-spirited guy living in exotic places by myself without a care. Maybe live like my uncle Andy for a few years. If I can't stay away from Megan for three days years would be retarded. I wonder if Megan wants to adopt, since she's adopted I bet she's at least considered the idea. Plus she's not too fond of the idea of childbirth. But I would really, really want some children of my own blood. We can't adopt and have biological kids, because, even though it would be COMPLETELY untrue, the adopted kid would probably feel alienated compared to the biological one. Even if we adopted first then had a kid..... hmmmm kids are very childish and cruel like that. Who knows what will happen, I mean Jesus, I have to get through 10th grade first! oh my favorite pink floyd song is on....yeah if you know me then you know which one it is... Great Gig in the Sky... A wonderful download I recommend it to anybody who can appreciate music for emotion and not for lyrics or melody. This is powerful and moving, the way it should almost always be. There are your occasional Baby got backs and Rocking of the certain Amadeus', but I like my music grandios and awesome and unique and I have a terrible habit of flaming and condoning others with different tastes. I'm working on adopting the "You don't have to like what I like, whatever works for you personally is good" except that's lying to myself, because I feel strongly about really horrible music like new punk and most recent rock and country and I can't lie about them and tell people the whole "whatever floats your boat" deal. Whatever happened to the days where James knew exactally what to say, and tried to not offend people by speaking his mind? Maybe I have a vision about days that never existed. I need to pay more attention to what I say and what I think, and how they interact. I hate lying. I hate telling the truth sometimes. I hate being "harsh" with the truth. Sometimes I confuse truth with my own opinion which is wrong. I'm so weird, I know what's right and wrong and can mentally evaluate myself and promise to fix things. Its like I was born with a built-in shrink. I have never hand any sort of mental breakdown or depression, I've always kept myself afloat while holding up a few others. Maybe, unfortunately, that's why I'm not really very religious at this point in my life. I hate myself for it, believe me. I have the terrible attitude of "well hey, I have a girlfriend and school is going good and I'm making others happy so what is the point of being really religious right now?" I guess I sort of feel like God is taking care of me at the moment, and I don't really need to go to him for advice like I used to so much. I should spend more time counting my blessings in a spiritual sense though, at the very least. Its not that I'm not christian... I'll rediscover things soon I hope.

I remember in 7th grade or late 6th where there were saxaphone tryouts and I told myself "well maybe next time I'll try out once I get good at the clarinet and everything" except they never did another tryout ever so I got stuck with a whole bunch of really talented and driven clarinet players. Do you ever feel stupid when you get a cheesy middle school band song stuck in your head that you know doesn't belong? Like that summer's rain or lexington march or dulcimer stomp.

Woah the weird al concert is coming up. Cow will be in georgia checking out Georgia Tech campus and won't be able to go ;_; very sad, indeed. I shall never meet any of the great friend's I've made online, ever. Never ever isn't that sad? My fingers kind of hurt... This has been a long and rambling blog entry, I think my mission here is complete. I shall leave you all with some lyrics just as I'm wrapping up this album.

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
All that you give
All that you deal
Alll that you buy, beg, borrow, or steal
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say
All that you eat
Everyone you meet
All that you slight
Everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
Everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

****there is no dark side of the moon really, as a matter of fact its all dark...****

:: Floydthebarber 7/18/2003 03:55:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
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What is up with all of the entries about professing love? This one is serious, everybody. I'm just going to cut straight to the chase, and present to you all, CAMEL!!!


Where to begin. Last week I asked Megan to draw me a picture. The instructions were simple: Draw a camel with two humps, with a parrot on the first hump and a machine gun turret on the second one that is shooting out a bawls bottle. The camel and the parrot need to have matching eye patches, and instead of a tail, the camel needs to have a fan like the ones on the back of those boats in the florida everglades. Simple, right? Well she doodled this cool picture, and the idea stuck with me. I went over to ryan's last night, and asked him to draw the same thing with the same instructions, just to see his artistic representation of this camel since he hadn't seen the first. It was an awesome sketch, and we scanned it and began pondering over this thing in photoshop. That was around 12:30 last night. We stayed up with Ryan H helping him work some extreme photoshop magic on this camel, and by the time it was pretty much done, it was going on 7 am. That's right, over 6 1/2 hours were spent making this the best damn crazy camel ever. This thing has everything, from incredibly precise inking to intensely perfect shadows to a custom-built cage for the everglades fan and beautiful, awesome smoke created using a cloud texture and creative use of the liquify filter. Call me crazy, but this thing belongs in the smithsonian or something. Maybe some famous art hall in Paris or London, I dunno. So basically, if you can't tell, I'm incredibly proud and intrigued by this camel, and want you all to appreciate all the time we wasted on it. Sure we could have made something a little more.....realistic. But where's the fun in that?

:: Floydthebarber 7/14/2003 10:13:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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Sometimes I feel the need to blog simply to profess my love for something. Music. Kick ass, quality music. Contrary to what image the world presents of music these days, there are some bands that keep the proverbial flame of music alive. Band like Coldplay, Audioslave, and hot off the presses with a spectacular album named Hail to the Thief, Radiohead. I have this horrible habit with good bands. I'll hear of them, or hear one or two of their songs, and become intrigued. However, I'm always "into" a band at any given point, so I sort of put the new stuff I hear on the backburner until its time comes and I can wholly appreciate that bands music, and most of the time it ends up sticking with me. Its not like I obsess over a band for a few weeks than forget about it, don't get that idea. I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that I'm in love with Radiohead. Sure I had heard a few songs of theirs over the years like "In Limbo", "Creep", and "Idioteque", but I had never really taken the time to delve into the depts of the brilliant minds of these artists through their music. Good music does indeed exist these days, people; Radiohead is a fucking pillar holding up much of my hopes of modern music. They started out around 1993 with a pretty generic english rock sound, and it evolved in the late 90s into some very intriguing experimentation with instruments and percussion and synthesizers and all sorts of things. Kid A(2000) and Amnesiac(2001) are their two other recent albums, and both have a unique flavor of instrumental experimentation mixed with great melodies and some "regular" things such as guitar to produce some really cool stuff. These guys are right up there with Pink Floyd as far as bands you need to just sit down and listen to their whole album at one time. I'm still sort of "new" to the band, but it sounds like with Hail to the Thief they have captured their uniqueness and more traditional elements to make something wholly better than either end of the spectrum. Did I mention the lyrics and art these guys do? It looks and feels and sounds like abstract yet on the dot things I would say or draw... very nicely done. So there you have it, go out and buy their new CD that came out June 10th or I shall cry.

Is there anything else I want to talk about while I'm at it? hmmm... Well yes my birthday is in, oh, roughly 1wk 3days 6hrs 56min 17secs. Something like that. I'll be sending out some sort of invitation e-mail and then if I don't get confirmation from people that way I'll call you personally. It looks like 13 to 16 people will form a mass fun orgy on the 23rd of this month. ROCK. Oh that reminds me, I need somebody to go out with me around the neighborhood so I can get a picture of me knocking over trashcans \m/ Don't ask, just nod and agree to my insane pleas. Also, almost everything I do has Megan as an undertone. And last night my last words I typed were waterfall full of falling water waiter another please another waterfall of water full...

:: Floydthebarber 7/12/2003 05:11:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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I decided it'd be best to not let this thing sit around a rot, since nobody really reads it anyways and if I'm ever to attempt to build up some viewerbase (notice how I didn't say fans, because that will never happen...), I need to actually update the thing. So here we are. My isn't it lovely out, what with the sunny weather and the scent of freshly mowed grass eminating from my sharpie-mutilated Converse All-Stars. Yep, I've glanced all around myself and summer is definitely here. I have nearly absolutely no obligations to anybody except myself, and that feels refreshing. Whisps of the past are present too, if you're willing to do some deductive reasoning. Let's see... there are a whole bunch of birthdays towards the end of this month, and it takes 9 months for a baby to be born, and 9 months ago was the beginning of wintery weather, and there aren't too many things to do in the winter time to keep warm except... yes, it's all definitely falling into place. So, with my birthday around the corner I'm obliged to deliver my infamously awesome birthday list of bliss. Try saying that over and over, list of bliss....

1)A nintendorks T-Shirt. I have been wanting one of these for literally years, and it turns out one of my fellow Nintendorks actually has had a cafepress site with this stuff on it for years. If my parents don't buy me this, I'll have nathan do it or somebody. Definitely a must-have to top off my collection of geeky video game shirts.

2) Dance Dance Revolution MAX with a Red Octane pad and cover. I figured that it's time for an upgrade from the PSX version of DDR from 1999 and the $10 pad Nate donated to fuel my rapidly growing obsession. I plan to master the hell out of DDR MAX, then trade it in in september for DDR MAX 2 so I can actually play the songs at home then go to cary towne center and roofle pwnz0r all over the place. At least, those are my grandiose visions. D2R COME ON COME ON

3) An Elumix keyboard. This sweet thing costs a cool $79 after a $20 rebate offer they are holding this month, and will be indescribably glowy and funky and cool when used during those late night h4x0ring sessions I find myself holding so many nights of my life. I'll type this thing into the ground, and probably use it with every one of my future computers until the stinkin' LED lights die out in it in about 7 years. Prepare to have your keyboard be skooled by my keyboard.

4) The obligatory Case o' Bawls, along with some Penguin Mints. The nectar of God, as i've explained many a time in this blog and to my friends. I think I've talked my dad into buying some Penguin Mints too, so in conclusion, hooray for caffeine hyperbliss. Hyperbliss.....that's it, I'm patenting that word RIGHT NOW HYPERBLISS A GO-GO BABY!

Those are all of the things that i'll be getting online, I'm sure i'm leaving lots of other things out that people will remind me I wanted or I'll get and realize I was a dumbass for not asking for it earlier. Birthdays rock. I wonder what Megan is doing for me.... hmmm not the slightest clue. I'm afraid as far as the other way around, I'm too predictable of a person but that doesn't necessarily mean it'll backfire on me, I know she'll love what I give her. Yar. Hooray for supportive omnicient pirate yars! So then, I suppose I should move on to what little details I have of my birthday party so far for those of you that are going.

Well for starters, I have sort of made up an invite list. This is the hardest part of the whole thing, because friends are, for lack of a better example, like the levels in the food chain pyramid we all have seen in Biology class. There's me, then a few people maybe 8 that are definite invites, then the second level of regular friends who is probably about 12, then there are fringe-friends that I don't know too well, have never been to their parties, but would like them to come to mine, to make things less awkward plus they're just cool people I want to get to know more anyways. People like, specifically, Corey, Matt, Jen, Dave/James, and a few people from other places like that. Then of course there are the illustrious Friends-I-Had-Before-But-Don't-Keep-Up-With list which if it was invited, would make the number of people grow exponentially and might make things stupid. No offense is meant AT ALL, but people like Crystal come to mind, we just aren't as close as we used to be.... So let's see here, it's easy for me to resolve all of this mental quandering out loud here in the blog. Ryan T, Ryan H, Nate, Phil, Nathan, April, Christina (won't be here), Megan, Jen, Matt, Jill, Corey, Dave/James, and Katie P (won't be here). Well damn, that's only 12 since Christina and Katie won't be around. I could invite Clark or Brian from scouts, but they'd probably feel alienated since they wouldn't know anybody there. So there you have it folks, that's the invite list right off the top of my head. I was actually planning for about 15-20 people, so if I didn't put your name there because I didn't know if you really wanted to come or we haven't talked much in a long time and still want to go, people like Crystal, Just AIM me or call me. So there we have it, If I forgot your name by some weird chance call me and bitch my heart out and I'll make it up with public humiliation for your entertainment at some time. I think I'll end this blog update about now, whatever else washes into my brain I'll post in a separate entry tonight. See you next time, Space Cowboy...

:: Floydthebarber 7/06/2003 09:30:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
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