:: Friday, July 18, 2003 ::

I'm seeing a new trend in late-night posting, so I thought I'd join in the slow motion mayhem. Its been a long time since I sat back and just.... typed as if my brain was running unformatted. So that's what I'll do. Or at least try to do; after eating all these pepperonis I found hiding in the fridge the keys on this keyboard are slippery. Oh that reminds me, two boxes from ThinkGeek arrived today, my assumptions are a case o' bawls and an elumiX keyboard. But I'll have to wait four days and 21 hours or something to find out. Actually, I'll probably open them sometime in the afternoon on the 23rd, so about four days and 35 hours. wait, that adds another day. So uh.... five days aaaaand wait 35-24 is 11 so five days and eleven hours from now I should have my awesome thinkgeek stuff. hee haw.

I sent out an invitation e-mail today, and I screwed up and had to send follow up e-mails approximately two times. I forgot to tell people the party is actually on my birthday, the 23rd (wednesday) how stupid am I? So yeah it looks like there will be around 12 people instead of 20 since lots of people will be gone :sad: but I'll just have to make the best of it. As long as I get DDR, I'll be happy. And if I don't, I'll be unhappy for a short while, until I use the money I'm no doubt getting from people to buy it myself. There's so much I could do online if i had a credit card, its a dangerously tantilizing thought. For instance, this gamesfly or gamefly.com I could get a free 10 day trial of renting two games or so. That's like two blockbuster rentals free, minus driving all the way to blockbuster and plus an awesome selection since its the beautiful INTERNET. Pink Floyd does wonders to your brain at 3 am.... I'm feeling light and awake oh that's just the mountain dew and french vanilla ice cream with french vanilla cafe Nescafe syrup on top I had.... jitter jitter.

Megan is sick ;_; she was a little under the weather when I saw her a day and a half or so ago, but now apparently she's sneezing and coughing lots. I was going to try and cheer myself up tomorrow by going skating with Jen, Matt, and others, but I won't have a ride there so I can't go to that. Poor me, I'll just have to sit home and play games and surf the internet all day. Actually until about 1 pm I plan on sleeping, so I'll just wait until this time tomorrow to repeat this process. I probably would have gone to sleep by now, but the internet is being really shitty and disconnecting so every 10 minutes I can't get my bit torrents or DC++ connections up and running to leave on all night. blech.

Somebody buy me a guitar for christmas, I really want to learn how to play and music is pretty much the only forum of artistic expression (other than slightly writing) I have yet to exploit. The problem with writing is Megan is really great at it, so I'd always be in her shadow. So yeah. Guitar. and no i'm not gonna load my winamp guitar list with JLC and Cake and stuff. I bet I could use 10 bucks from my birthday money to register for the SomethingAwful forums, now wouldn't that be cool. Actually that'd suck, because I'd become really active in that community when I should, if anything, be more focused in the N-Philes community since I'm already immersed in that. Everbody stop by the chatroom on irc.mircx.com #n-philes plskthx. There, I did my public service announcement for the night. Or the morning. Or whatever. God I'm proud of that camel, i found a really cool site with good photoshop tutorials on it so tomorrow I think I'll try out some of those. I would do some serious database overhauling at n-philes, but like I said my internet is being shit so I can't work on that. I got stats up and running, but there are a few mysterious errors dealing with people that chat a lot not showing up in certain areas they should.... I'll crack right down on it and have em' fixed fast now that I have supar 1337 FTP access to whip up changes like that. I talked with ethan about my urge to write, but he just brushed me off -_- he's always busy. I think I'll exploit my talents on other sites. That would be hilarious if the cow pasture became really popular.

I love the feeling when I put my headphones on, and I have to pull out my hair that got smushed between the headphones and my ears with my fingers. It's cool. And Megan's kisses are the most overpowering sensations I've ever felt, I'm counting the days until she gets better so I can experience that again. She won't be well by tomorrow, and saturday is the gaddi's pig pickin' so it'll have to be sunday. Let's cross our fingers. This whole Waiting-several-days-to-see-my-girlfriend buisness is stupid, especially since this is SUMMER BREAK and I live FIVE MILES from her. *sigh* I'm such an obsessive thing. I called myself a thing. Been talking with megan too much. Or maybe not enough. I think all henshins are a go-go for her present(s), can't wait to see her reaction. For all she talks about her present to me, I keep my ideas under pretty heavy wraps. I hate this ceiling fan. If I was wearing pajama pants I wouldn't feel the wind, but this hawaiian shirt isn't cutting it and i'm shivering slightly. And all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be... Sorry, I got caught up in my awesome Pink Floyd music I mentioned earlier. How much more do I have to type? I don' t know, how much longer will my brain sit here idling in the darkness reveling in it, yet unable to seize the opportunity and sleep? Why doesn't my black light light bulb ever burn out? I should play burnout 2, that was pretty fun over at Ryan H's a few weeks ago. We played DDR there..... *sniff* DDR MAX PLEASE COME TO ME. As long as it doesn't come on me. What the hell am I talking about? I blame the music!

I keep having thoughts about how my eating, sleeping, and exercise habits will come back to me later and life and royally fuck me up. I drink entirely too much soda, literally 3 or more cans worth a day, and especially on summer break, don't eat real meals, especially at the right times. I'm always cramming myself with junk food, hence the pepperonis and ice cream I've had tonight, and If I didn' t have such a magical metabolism, I'd be so incredibly fat I'd hate myself entirely too much. I think that's why I'm not fat, I would hate myself too much for letting myself do that to me. I hate self-inflicted or concious pain, like saying "okay, stab this needle in me" hurts a million times more than somebody actually just doing it without announcing their intention to me. My sleeping habits are all fucked up, and I fear this will even continue well throughout the school year. They make us get up ENTIRELY too early, catching a bus at 6:30 am is fucking ridiculous. Oh well, by next june I should have my license, and will be able to drive myself to school my entire Junior and Senior year. I'll still have to get up at around 7... I guess I can live with that. So yes, this next year shall be filled with lots and lots of caffeine, and more fucking up of my internal clock and being entirely too harsh on my body. I don't exercise regularly, sporatic things like the AT don't help overall. I got an idea... I could take this time I waste at night and go running around the block... the dark is better for my eyes anyways, and its not as hot and who knows what creepy or mysterious things I'll run into. Megan hates the dark and things like that, but for some reason I revel in it. Perhaps since my life is pretty mundane, the dark is the last real mystery or shrouding factor easily accessible every day. or night. those ThinkGeek boxes are pretty shrouding...hmm....

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun... I hope that doens't happen to me. I think falling in love with Megan has given me a head start on that gun. Is it stupid to think of things like marriage and kids? what about college and all that good stuff that comes before that? I suppose I'm sort of weird for wanting that cookie-cutter lifestyle, growing up, high school, college, marriage, job, kids, retirement. I want those experiences but I also want to be a free-spirited guy living in exotic places by myself without a care. Maybe live like my uncle Andy for a few years. If I can't stay away from Megan for three days years would be retarded. I wonder if Megan wants to adopt, since she's adopted I bet she's at least considered the idea. Plus she's not too fond of the idea of childbirth. But I would really, really want some children of my own blood. We can't adopt and have biological kids, because, even though it would be COMPLETELY untrue, the adopted kid would probably feel alienated compared to the biological one. Even if we adopted first then had a kid..... hmmmm kids are very childish and cruel like that. Who knows what will happen, I mean Jesus, I have to get through 10th grade first! oh my favorite pink floyd song is on....yeah if you know me then you know which one it is... Great Gig in the Sky... A wonderful download I recommend it to anybody who can appreciate music for emotion and not for lyrics or melody. This is powerful and moving, the way it should almost always be. There are your occasional Baby got backs and Rocking of the certain Amadeus', but I like my music grandios and awesome and unique and I have a terrible habit of flaming and condoning others with different tastes. I'm working on adopting the "You don't have to like what I like, whatever works for you personally is good" except that's lying to myself, because I feel strongly about really horrible music like new punk and most recent rock and country and I can't lie about them and tell people the whole "whatever floats your boat" deal. Whatever happened to the days where James knew exactally what to say, and tried to not offend people by speaking his mind? Maybe I have a vision about days that never existed. I need to pay more attention to what I say and what I think, and how they interact. I hate lying. I hate telling the truth sometimes. I hate being "harsh" with the truth. Sometimes I confuse truth with my own opinion which is wrong. I'm so weird, I know what's right and wrong and can mentally evaluate myself and promise to fix things. Its like I was born with a built-in shrink. I have never hand any sort of mental breakdown or depression, I've always kept myself afloat while holding up a few others. Maybe, unfortunately, that's why I'm not really very religious at this point in my life. I hate myself for it, believe me. I have the terrible attitude of "well hey, I have a girlfriend and school is going good and I'm making others happy so what is the point of being really religious right now?" I guess I sort of feel like God is taking care of me at the moment, and I don't really need to go to him for advice like I used to so much. I should spend more time counting my blessings in a spiritual sense though, at the very least. Its not that I'm not christian... I'll rediscover things soon I hope.

I remember in 7th grade or late 6th where there were saxaphone tryouts and I told myself "well maybe next time I'll try out once I get good at the clarinet and everything" except they never did another tryout ever so I got stuck with a whole bunch of really talented and driven clarinet players. Do you ever feel stupid when you get a cheesy middle school band song stuck in your head that you know doesn't belong? Like that summer's rain or lexington march or dulcimer stomp.

Woah the weird al concert is coming up. Cow will be in georgia checking out Georgia Tech campus and won't be able to go ;_; very sad, indeed. I shall never meet any of the great friend's I've made online, ever. Never ever isn't that sad? My fingers kind of hurt... This has been a long and rambling blog entry, I think my mission here is complete. I shall leave you all with some lyrics just as I'm wrapping up this album.

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
All that you give
All that you deal
Alll that you buy, beg, borrow, or steal
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say
All that you eat
Everyone you meet
All that you slight
Everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
Everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

****there is no dark side of the moon really, as a matter of fact its all dark...****

:: Floydthebarber 7/18/2003 03:55:00 AM [+] ::
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