:: Friday, July 25, 2003 ::

So here I am, finding myself blogging what seems to be a record number of entries in a week. Maybe its the soft glowing blue light emanating from beneath my cool, stiff fingers. I've exercised the hell out of my legs and feet in the past 24 hours, and sort of neglected my hands. Poor hands. Oh, it appears I'm rambling again, how about I just get to the whole point of this blog update.

Christina called me from New York tonight. You can already tell where this conversation is going to lead, can't you? Well you can if you are me, and have to juggle the emotions of two girls who aren't particularly fond for each other. She called because she is extremely lonely as the only kid up at her grandparent's house, so naturally she was really glad to just ramble on for the longest time to me about everything in life. How she's doing in New York, what she's been up to, what Megan and I have been up to, and then the obligatory connection between her and Megan. I am trying so hard to make it crystal clear to everybody, and I don't know how well it comes off on either side. Quite simply, neither Megan nor Christina like each other. However unfortunate that may be to me, I can life with it as long as the facts are straight. Christina knows we are just friends, thats what her and I want, and she loves me so much that she has the overpowering feeling of wanting me to be as happy as possible with Megan. Sometimes that leads to uncomfortable discussions about Christina's own insecurities, but that's not what it was about tonight. It was a celebration from one friend to another of their happiness and me trying to share some of my happiness with Christina and make her day that much better. I think Megan understands now, but I kept feeling this giant force of jealously and anger forcing itself out to me in the shrouded, quiet way she always mentions things like that. I can't exactally blame her for anything; If I was in her shoes, all I would be seeing is me talking on the phone ignoring her, and whats more with a girl whom the last impression she has of her is that of her and I being intimately interested in each other. Its not like that now, Christina and I have realized the kind of close friendship love we have for each other, and I have discovered my intimate, passionate love for Megan, for whom i've never felt that way so strongly and truly towards before. They don't have to get along if they don't like each other's personalities, but for my sake don't bottle up what you're thinking especially if its not really true and out of date. A lot has changed since the best day of my life on February 14th of this year. I'm damned and determined to keep ties with the old world while blazing a trail for the new.

So there. That's my rant. Hopefully the last time I'll have to explain that to myself or outloud to everybody. I can make it to Sunday, God please give me the inner strength to Sunday....



All 16 beautiful and wonderful kisses, all for me and me alone forever and ever....and ever.......and ev....

:: Floydthebarber 7/25/2003 12:43:00 AM [+] ::
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