:: Thursday, August 28, 2003 ::

I know I should be going to bed, but all I have to say is HELL YES



I am leaving to the beach tomorrow afternoon and shall return monday. Flood my inbox until then! I love you all! Madonna is still hot! Megan is of course hotter aslaslaslasl

:: Floydthebarber 8/28/2003 11:35:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Okay so this one time I was helping this chatroom full of nerds have a trivia event on this new IRC server. IRC is better than you, n00bert. So I'm all hay guys I'm thirsty and will grab a soda and I don't use complete punctuation" so I grabbed myself a wild cherry pepsi from the carton in the counter. I open her and decide a penguin mint would spice things up a bit. I have put penguins in soda like dew and bawls before, so hay what's the worst that could happen? how about total nuclear carbonated meltdown?!?. WHAT. There was all this fizzling, then it started fizzling over the can, so I shoved the top of it inside my mouth really quick to keep it from spilling all over my pants haha that sounds wrong. Reguardless, there was too much and I said "blech!" and let the soda that was 50% air and 50% soda spill onto the carpet and the corner of my Nintendo Power, causing me to fux0r. I cleaned up the seat with windex even though it's not a window and sat back down with a new soda for trivia hijinks. So is it the sorbitol or caffeine or what the fuck that creates the reaction with soda? who knows d00ds but it was one crazy ride. Like your mother. Tied to a train. The love train. Shaped like a Penis. Violent and fast. Quickly degrading sentence structure. How did that fit in there haha what

:: Floydthebarber 8/23/2003 11:57:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I wrote a letter to Megan. It's sort of personal. But then again, I don't feel like safely rephrasing my feelings I just wrote so they are in blog format. Here.

I can understand why you're crying, and no you haven't "skimped" on me at all. I don't know if you're just thinking of tonight when you got offline or not, but you haven't. I know each little convo or phone call means so much between weekends, but don't get hard on yourself please. You aren't a bitch.

Everybody whines. I whine too. I'm whining right now over losing the entire thousands of words I just lost. But you know what? I have seen so much improvement in your "whining" and "bitching" in these past months, it's phenomenal. Don't be so hard on yourself, you honestly don't complain much more than anybody else I know. When you do it's towards me, and this is the part of the letter where I turn it to me.

I completely understand why you feel jealous. If you were telling stuff like that to me, I would get quite a bit upset too. Why do I do this? I don't know, but I compulsively tell you things that just shouldn't be told to you because they do nothing but hurt. I don't want to blame it on past childhood problems like ADHD and shit, but shreds of that must still remain. I can connect all the wires in my brain; I think up something, realize that it would bother you if I said it, but still say it anyways. I don't know why, but I sincerely have been working on what I say, especially to you. I don't want to hurt you ever ever with my words. God, I promise so hard now to try and not do things like that to you, I'm positive that's part of what's driven you to crying yourself to sleep like you are right now. I am at the brink of tears but I need to keep talking my tears are useless when I'm not in your arms...

If you never told me anything about things, like how you feel overshadowed and stepped over, we'd be in big trouble. I'm glad when you tell me things, even if you categorize it as whining. I'm still learning how people work. I don't know what just made me think of that phrase, but I did. I am not perfect and don't have answers for why you do things and can't help it or why the people at school just use you as a bridge to others... but I can offer compassion like nobody else in this world. I love you completely and so greatly I can't express it, and I'm always here to hold you, verbally or physically. I will try harder to not say things that bother you. I will. Or else I'm the most worthless boyfriend ever, and that is the most horrifying thought I could have right now, not being with you, especially because of something I'VE done.

I can be resolved on fixing my phrasing towards you, and you might not think it, but your "whining" will recede with time. No, it will never go away. I dont' want it to go away. I don't want you to fake it and pretend things don't bother you when they do. I don't know how to fix what is bothering you and your subconcious, but maybe we can figure it out together. I love doing anything with you, especially talking about things like this. I won't get angry and I won't be judgemental or anything. I'm here to hold you and love you until the day I die.

I don't know specifically what you mean by 'left out of things' except for the whole SB thing, and maybe my life at school, but neither of those things should bring you down. You do get a lot of attention, especially from me. I drop everything for you in a heartbeat. We can spend friday night together thanks to that fact and if you can pick me up from Ryan's saturday from probably noon-7. See? It'll all be better. The kids at school think I am obsessed with this little thread bracelet I often find myself spinning and kissing throughout the day. They're right, I am. I love being constantly reminded of you, that there is somebody out there who loves me like you do and will always be there, and I will be there for you. Being tethered to you is the single greatest feeling in the world and gift that God has ever given me. Now even I'm crying.

We won't lose anything out of all of this, just get closer. Trust me. I'm sure if I say shitty things less that you won't feel so whiny and thus less whining and thus good things... I guess we're both even in the "things I do that I know I shouldn't do but do anyways that bother both us both" department. I'm always even with you. I love it like that. And I love you.

James

:: Floydthebarber 8/20/2003 11:02:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

So here we are, a week late and a dollar short. Actually several dollars since I bought all that intoxicating crap from the lunchline last week. Whatever. It's only been one line and I'm already rambling! You can already tell where this is heading. Or meandering.

I have been completely swamped with school recently, and there looks to be no sign of relief. Mrs. Jessee keeps piling all kinds of English shit on me, and while it is physically possible to get it done, it's too terribly draining mentally on me. I'll pull through though. I am getting used to the steady stream of at least an hour's homework from Chemistry, and the usual amount from French II and Algebra II. So if I can get Chemistry and Paideia (more specifically English) down pat, I shall survive. I hope. Oh and in case any of you were wondering, my friends situation is a little better. I am slowly meeting a few new people a week which is what will have to suffice. Lunch is still just Nate, Phil, Nathan and I but whatever we have gameboy and goatse jokes to tide us over. Homework is also a lovely nerd activity for lunch, hee haw!

There's a lot of shit doing down at N-Philes, some of it I'm a part of and some of it I'm not. I posted my first ever Preview or any other article of sorts like that this past week. I didn't sign up for any free games this quarter although I really should have, but who knows what might show up in Ahmed's lap that he might send my way. We'll see. I'm very busy with the chatroom right now, and I don't want to spoil things but several people know and the changes are going to completely rock. By this saturday I promise! Sooo coolios. what what.

I forgot about Christina. Oops. It's easy to forget about somebody when they don't love you and you have no more reason to love them. This all works out good though, no sense trying to pull back together something that needs to be let go. Maybe some day she'll feel bad about what she's done, although most kids don't reach that level of maturity for a long time. Bah who cares anyways, I have it all under control and the most gorgeous girlfriend in the world for support. Not to mention all the people like Anna. You all know how much you mean to me. If you don't, ask and I shall talk your ears off about it. There's no sense doing it in a blog though.

Remember Steve Burns? Yeah, the guy from Blue's Clues. Alex grew up with that guy, and now he's got his own awesome band that relesed an album on August 12th. It's surprisingly good music, and worth checking out. I finally got my mp3 player communicating with my PC, which translates to awesome music at school for me! Should I continue rambling? I originally thought I had a whole lot to say, but now that I've hit the intarweb with my thoughts everything is sort of boiling down. I drew this awesome picture, I need to scan it. I may suck at "realistic" art, but abstract seems to come pretty natural to me. Is that really a surprise to anybody though? I love Bawls and Mountain Dew and Penguin Mints and Other Randomly Capitalized Objects. I think I should have dirty hair breakfast with you. Bye

:: Floydthebarber 8/18/2003 09:30:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

I don't have time to blog. Life is going insane. I need to let it all sink in. Everybody that's holding me just hold me a little tighter for a bit and I'll be back as James and everything will be cool. Will be.

:: Floydthebarber 8/11/2003 09:22:00 PM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Listening to all of the Pirates of the Caribbean music has me feeling all epic, and when one feels epic, there's no better thing to do than blog, of course! I believe the comma is my new best friend, it would seem. In case you haven't checked my AIM profile, my school schedule beginning August 11th will be as follows:

First Semester:
Honors Chemistry (Moffett)
Algebra II (Stewart)
French II (Dukes)
Paideia English II (Mrs. Jessee)
World History Paideia (Young)

Second Semester:
Computer Science I/II (Hill)
Algebra III (Stewart)
Paideia English II (Mrs. Jessee)
World History Paideia (Young)

I hightly doubt the incredibly few friends I have at Cary HS will have the same classes as me, but if one or two happen to cross paths with me then it'll just give me something to be overly ecstatic about. I'm horrible at making new aquaintances at high school. Scratch that. I'm great at making aquaintances, I'm horrible at making actual friends. School isn't an environment where really close friendships can grow, and yet its a place where ironically I need them the most. Stupid Irony. Oh well, at least I have all the classes I wanted in pretty much the exact order I wanted them. I suppose I'll join an extra club or two this year to beef up this resume I'm supposedly building.

I hate this feeling that summer is waning. Everything that I've wasted so much time for will be gone in a matter of days. I can honestly say this has been the best summer of my life however, and it's helped give me the mental strength to start anew August 11th. I'm going to miss the days of staying up until 3-4 am, and waking up around noon-1, then making the gigantic decisions such as what to stuff my face with, or what game I will lazily attempt to beat that day. Or what friends I'm going to spend time with, or where. I'll get tastes of summer on weekends, but it sure won't be the same. Ah well I can't complain in the end; just expect some desperation/culmination post on saturday when I have time to really mull the reality in my mind for a while. I mull a word? I think so, and I think I used it right.

I feel the urge to bake pretzels out of necessity and bordom. So hah! Oh, and if it turns out that Christina isn't moving to NY to go to school afterall, I'm going to first give her a giant hug, then punch her in the stomach for doing that to me. I thought she was coming home on tuesday but tuesday was the best day of my life and I sure as hell wasn't spending it with her or even considering that possibility. Either way I'll be pissed if she came on tuesday and just didn't call me or anything, or snuck back home quietly to go to school here and didn't tell me. So uh yeah either way I'll be upset. Sucks Sucks. Enough about her though, NINTENDOPHILES FOREVER AND MEGAN FOR FOREVER AND MORE AND MORE *eurrrrrrrwicky wicky*

:: Floydthebarber 8/08/2003 12:44:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
...

Its all.....so wonderful and yet I can't nor want to really talk about it online. I think it was over five times...felt amazing... can't live without her kisses and so much more....wow....so much love it's like I'm building up this gigantic depository to help get me through school. Ah fuck it, there's nothing left to say except i'm madly madly madly madly madly in love...

:: Floydthebarber 8/06/2003 12:53:00 AM (0) comments [+] ::
...